WAS I WRONG? Did he deserve that???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
WAS I WRONG? Did he deserve that???
14
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 1:11am

I just want to know if I was wrong for doing this. I was very very upset with my boyfriend because he didn't come see me or got me anything for Valentine's Day. His great uncle died last week and his funeral was on Valentine's Day. I understood that he had to go to the funeral, burial and repast,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2009
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 6:53am

How old are the two of you?


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 9:24am

We're both 34.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 9:51am

Two questions for you:


1. Did you have a conversation with him, letting him know that Valentine's Day is very important to you and that you need it to be a priority for him too?


2. What did you do for him for Valentine's Day?


It is unfortunate that you broke up with him under these circumstances.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2009
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 9:58am

You were not being selfish at all and that is "unfair" of him to say you are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 2:15pm
If it was just over this valentine's day, then yes the breakup would have seemed over the top to me. But you have a lot of reasons why you don't trust him, this day was just the final straw for you. If you're intent on moving on then just do it and don't listen to his complaints. For your next boyfriend, make plans for holidays ahead of time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 2:49pm

Welcome to the board tirene2,


Sounds like the two of you have different expectations in a relationship in regards to holdiays and birthdays.


::I thought he would get me card and dropped it off to me when he was on his way home from his family house, but he didn't do that. He did promise to come to the house to see me but

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 3:59pm

Tirene, if it were just Valentines Day, then I'd agree that you were being extremely selfish. To be honest, given his recent family issues, V Day shouldn't have even been a trigger for you to be upset.

However, given that he doesn't do Birthdays and Christmas either, it would appear that the two of you ARE mismatched. In this case, breaking up is the right thing to do.

I do have to echo a question asked on these threads though....did you ever tell him that these holidays are important to you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 10:56pm

Well, to answer both of questions


1. Did you have a conversation with him, letting him know that Valentine's Day is very important to you and that you need it to be a priority for him too?


Yes , we talked about that. Even after learning about the death of his uncle, we both understood that his family was going to be his first priority. On Valentine's Day after the funeral he still insisted that we go to the movies. Last I talked to him he was coming over but never showed up and didn't call. I called him he didn't answer or returned my call. I called the next day, no answer. He finally called me back sometime after noon.


2. What did you do for him for Valentine's Day?


I didn't do anything for him because he both agreed that Valentine's Day will be for me since Sweetest Day was for him. I got him a gift for that. He didn't wanted anything for V-Day. Did I mention that I was stood up for Sweetest Day too? But I still gave him his gift the next day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2009
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 11:36pm

You shouldn't be asking, "Did he deserve that?" you should be asking, "Is this the kind of relationship *I* want?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2009
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 5:12am

The reason I asked your age was I thought it might be a very young couple that have mismatched expectations of holidays, etc.

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