Was it a mistake?
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Was it a mistake?
| Fri, 04-30-2004 - 3:36pm |
I recently broke up with my boyfriend because sometimes he made me fell unimportant. We would have plans and he would show up 3 hours late or never at all. Other then that our relationship was perfect and I do not think I could have anyone as perfect or love someone as much. I broke up with him because I could not stand being stood up anymore. Later I realized it was my fault. He told me I argued too much and had an attitude a lot. He said the reason why he sometimes did not come was becasue he didn't want to hear my mouth, but he still love me to death and he did other things to show it like treating me to the spa or taking me shopping. I recently asked for him bakc and he said yes we can make this work. A few days after he came back from Daytona for sring break he said he just wants to be friends now. I do not understand what happened. All I want to know is if he still cares for me. He recently took me to prom and paid for everything. I'm trying to hard to get him back but he says I make him feel uncomfortable when he is around me because he says I am mean and have a attitude. He says he will not even consider us working on our relationship until I make him feel comfortable, but he still wants to have sex. I don't know what to do. Is he being realistic about is feelings or is he playing games with me? I love him more then anything and I just want him back.

maybe when you talk to him, don't have much expectations. just enjoy time together, and appreciate the things he does for you. try not to blame him or get mad. its all for loss cause. just enjoy yourself, and see if he could get comfortable with that. don't think he HAS to do something. he does things because he can and wants to.
but other than that, having sex with someone you love, but he doesn't feel the same, isn't healthy for you.
If he says that he doesnt want the committment with you, then why are you letting him say no and still reap what comes BECAUSE of the committment? You are giving everything and gaining nothing and its definitely not going to push him to any decision.
If he wants to be friends, then fine - friends it is. Friends do not have sex, though. Sorry, that is what I do when I am in a committment. If he doesnt want the less pleasurable parts of a relationship, why are you giving him the benefits that you save for those that you are in a relationship with?That makes no sense.
Honey, if you want him to make a decision, you must leave him alone and get him to start thinking of what he would miss. Dont call him, dont cry to him, move on. This will help you to get into a better perspective over your own life in the process and you may thank him later for what he has been doing to you.
It all comes down to 'what do you want from him?' If you want a relationship, then stop the sex because if you dont, he'll string you along for as long as you'll let him. Friends are friends, couples are couples, he has to make a stand sometime. Either set you free and leave you alone or make a better committment and then reap the benefits of it. But he has it both ways. He can see others if he wants, and still keep you hoping to get him back. Be firm and tell him that its all or nothing in this. Relationship or no, but that means no affection if no relationship. Period.
It's not an unusual response after a break up to wonder if you will ever find anyone else who will admire you, find you attractive, care about you, want to be with you, etc. BUT....you will. Think about it logically -- it's silly to think he's the only person on this whole earth who will want you. And, if you settle for something like this that leaves you unhappy merely because you fear starting over or being alone, you will never actually find that true happiness you seek b/c you'll be stuck with "good enough for now but not completely what I want and need." Happiness is a state of mind that is achieved by making wise choices. Wise choices are the result of learning from our mistakes and errors in judgement. Please learn from this experience and know that you are a person worthy of another's love and respect.
The day you accept and believe that being a happy and secure individual, even if you're alone, is better than being in an unhealthy, unhappy relationship is the day you'll be one giant step closer to being able to find and develop a healthy, happy relationship with someone. Good luck getting there.
Many men are not emotionally driven people that can be emotionally "ON" all the time. We need re-charge time. We're kind of like Energizer Bunny Rechargable Batteries. We can run hard for a period of time then we need to be recharged before running again. Most men do not put feelings and emotions as their #1 priority in life. During any given day our priorities can change to what we are doing or trying to accomplish that day.
When I am at work, that is my #1 priority. When I am with an SO, she is my #1 priority. When I am out with my kids, they are my #1 priority. I respect my SO's feelings and I consider her in my important decisions, but this does not mean I will do it her way all the time because of her feelings.
Time is the most valuable thing I have and many men feel the same way. I have not met 1 single man that likes nagging, whining, complaining or "its all about what I want" kinds of attitdues. We (especially younger men) will spend our time when attitudes are positive and comfortable. We seek to give positively to relationships when there is a safe, positive and life-enhancing environment with our SO. We want an SO that gives us respect, honor and dignity while she accepts accountability and responsibility for her own life as equal partners.
Keep in mind… I also have issues;
I am not qualified by any means.
So please do what is best for you in the long run, you will be the one living with it.