was leaving a mistake?
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was leaving a mistake?
| Tue, 05-25-2004 - 4:30pm |
I recently broke up with my boyfriend in order to return to an old flame of mine. 2 days later and i'm realising i may have made the biggest mistake of my life. i love both of them, but the one i left seems far more prepared for a proper relationship, whereas the one i've got back together with absolutely adores me (and i adore him too - and the other one... :( but just isnt in a good place in his life, he suffers from severe depression among other things, ie suicidal thoughts. i feel that all i'll do is support him and although i want to do this, i need more from a relationship, unfortunately for him i'm not one of those people who needs to be needed. i have needs to.
now i've made the move i realise i want my ex back, but i'm terrified what my leaving will do to the other man. he's recently come off yet another set of antidepressants and is seeing a counsellor, we discussed how he wouldnt be able to cope if i left him again, and i was so certain that i wouldnt leave him, but now i've gone through with everything i realise it was a mistake. my feelings for my ex are stronger than i realised they ever could be, stronger than those i have for the other.
i realise staying with him cause i'm too scared to leave is wrong, and i already know that i will have to leave, but any advice or comments would be welcomed, i feel completely isolated right now and could do with some reassurance.

The other concern is that your last bf may not take you back. In that case, it is a lesson hard learned. However, whether or not he takes you back should not be a determining factor for leaving or staying with the one your recently got back together with. You may adore eachother, but he sounds like he needs a friend more than a relationship right now.
Im sorry that you got yourself into this situation. I suggest you break it off with the current guy and get yourself together. IF you stay with current guy, you are going to be the tough one, the reliable one forever. He is not stable he is not emotionally ready for a full-fledged relationship. AND i find it extremely unfair to go running back to guy 1 now. Just the fact that you could walk away from him for someone else should tell you YOUR not ready for a relationship. Nothing in the world wrong with that at all. Your not a bad person, there is nothing wrong with you. UNLESS you continue to deceive this guy -
MY advice is to leave - exlain to him that YOU are not ready for this. Make it about you - not him. And encourage him to get the help he needs.
Sorry im not much help tonight - I do wish you luck. .
I am co cl for "Ask Dr. Ruth" board.