A waste of time?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2004
A waste of time?
3
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 4:22pm
I have been dating a really great guy for about 6 months; and it seems as though we are falling in love. I cannot and DO NOT want to see myself without him, and he feels the same. He recently asked me if I would consider moving in with him, and I was estatic! I felt like everything was finally coming together for me. Then the so perfect scenario showed it's flaw. I asked him about three days ago about marriage. I was engaged once to a man for 2 years and even moved in with him; he would never go through with it. 2 years of my life gone down the drain! Anyhow, I asked my boyfriend if he would consider marrying me, especially since we would be living together. He gave me a sympathetic look and said, "Kayla, I love you, more than anything in this world, but If marriage is what you are wanting, then you will have to look somewhere else, I don't think I could ever marry anyone." I didn't know what to say. I wanted to cry, I wanted to hit him, I wanted to die. I hope that he was just caught in a moment, where he didnt know how to reply. I would love to spend the rest of my life with this man, he is wonderful. BUT I WANT IT TO BE IN A MARRIAGE and not just as a live in. I know that he loves me, and he knows that I love him, but I can't imagine going through what i went though with my ex fiance again. What do I do? Is he just confused and worried that his marriage will end up like his parents? Or is this just a dead end?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 4:38pm
Kayla...

You've answered your own question...YOU WANT MARRIAGE...HE DOESN'T! Pianoguy thinks you're a smart lady by holding out for what you REALLY want!

There's no reason you have to do a "rerun" of your earlier relationship.

So tell the man you're gonna date him, but spend overnights alone....at least for now!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 4:53pm
You need to listen to his words and assume he won't change. Now, can you live with that?

Sounds like it is time to move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 5:58pm
I agree with the other posters that he seems to have his mind made up. He told you flat out what he thinks. One of your goals in life is to get married. That is not one of his goals. You have different priorities. You can move in with him if you want but you will be just waiting around for him to ask you to marry him and he won't. Then you will start to resent him for not wanting to marry you and it will all be a big mess.

My boyfriend is just like your boyfriend. Since we were friends before we started dating, I already knew going in that he never wanted to get married. I dated him and we got a house together and we are happy and have a stable relationship. But we are not going to get married and I know that and am fine with that because getting married is not one of my goals in life. But it is one of yours. Your relationship can be a happy one but it might not go the way you want it to. If you really want to get married then he told you that you will have to find someone else. You have only been dating him for 6 months. It is better that you know his feelings now instead of investing a couple of years into this relationship.