We didn't, but everyone thinks we did!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
We didn't, but everyone thinks we did!
5
Sat, 11-10-2007 - 6:20pm

Is there any way to dispel a false rumor that you cheated?

A couple of years ago, I joined a group activity where I met a male friend. He was married, I was single. Within the context of the group activities, we talked and hung out a lot (but we were never alone -- always in public or with other people). He introduced me to his wife and kids, and they were so nice and knowing I was alone in the town, often invited me over to their house for meals or holidays. He and I definitely never crossed the line physically, and our relationship was not an emotional affair (our discussions weren't that deep or frequent; we just chatted like buddies do). I thought everything was fine until one day, someone told us that rumors were going around town that we were having an affair.

My question is: how can these false and hurtful rumors be stopped? If we tried to deny them, no one would believe us, but if we don't deny them, people would take it as a confession. If we stopped seeing each other, people would probably just think we had gotten caught or something. Is there anything we can do to convince people that we are innocent?

In addition to feeling insulted at the implication the rumor makes about me, I feel terrible that my presence in their lives has caused them this kind of trouble. They are both wonderful people and I want to do anything I can to make sure that the kindness they extended to me doesn't permanently damage their reputations.

Thanks!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2007
Sun, 11-11-2007 - 1:09am
Since you didn't have an affair of any kind I would leave it be. It is his job to convince his wife. If you try to explain it to her, it might make her feel weirder. I would stop seeing him in any capacity. As for other people, it's none of their business, though you might want to avoid that group .
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 11-11-2007 - 1:25am

People who know you well and know your character (i.e., the ones who count) will know that the rumors are false.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Sun, 11-11-2007 - 12:56pm
Do nothing. People are petty and want to cause problems. If the wife enjoys your company knows that there is nothing going on then don't change anything. Just don't get defensive with anyone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 11-11-2007 - 2:31pm

Welcome to the board sioivillage,


You've gotten good advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Sun, 11-11-2007 - 2:53pm

I'd like to thank everyone for their advice. Unfortunately, it seems that there is no way to stop the rumors and that we must simply ignore them and let them circulate!

Regarding the question about the wife, I don't think she believes the rumors. According to my friend, she doesn't feel any insecurity about our friendship. However, based on how I think I'd feel if I were in her shoes, I wouldn't be surprised if the rumors put at least a little shred of doubt in her head. I've noticed a bit of a change in her behavior toward me, but it is very subtle, so maybe I'm just seeing things.

I've really scaled down my contact with them over the past few months, but from what I've been told, the rumors are persisting. I guess people really have nothing better to do but speculate about other people's business. Thanks again for your help!