We don't talk or do anything together

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
We don't talk or do anything together
3
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 11:11pm
My husband and I have been married 15 years and have 3 children (we have been together 20 years). We started dating when I was 14 years old and he was 15. We never talk to each other. He does his thing and I do my thing with the kids. Our kids are 15, 13 and 9. He rarely goes to any of their events and I don't miss an event. I have left him twice and came back both times. Both times I came back I was promised that we would buy a house. (We currently rent an old house that is falling down around us.) Now he tells me that we can't afford a new house. We can, but he would have to give up some of his extra activities that are expensive, which he is not willing to give up. Just recently my 15 year old son was asked if we were split up because they had never heard him talk about his dad. This was parents of a friend that he just met 4 months ago. I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave, but I wonder what life will be like when my kids grow up. When I talk to him he doesn't look at me and doesn't answer me. We have been through counseling twice. Is anyone out there that has had the same sort of problem? I could really use some advice from someone who has been here. I get all kinds of advice from people telling me what to do, but they have not been in the same situation. There advice is to just tell him how I feel. I try, but he doesn't listen. I'm at a breaking point and need some advice. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 1:56pm

hi there and hugs to you. I know what its like to be in

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 3:06pm
I do have a job outside the home. I don't know how to exist on my own though. When I left the first two times I missed him so badly I couldn't stand it. I felt that I would never find anyone else with my age and having 3 kids. It's not like our communication has went down hill, it has been this way our whole relationship. We grew up together and I don't know anything different. I guess I am too scared to think about being alone. I can live the way I do now, but when the kids grow up is when I am going to be really concerned.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 1:21pm

well its not wonder you feel this way - you've been together since you were a young girl. but if i did the math right - you are now in your 30s. your life is by no means over. you have to learn to live on your own - so learn. yes, its possible, i did it - you can do it too. if you are already working - then you have one less thing to deal with. If you still feel that you don't know what to do or how to do it - then i strongly advise you to get some help for yourself (not couple's counseling). even if you decide to stay with him- you will grow and learn how to live with him in a more healthy way.


hugs to you honey - its not easy. but it is doable.