we have problems with each others past
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we have problems with each others past
| Tue, 03-02-2004 - 10:32am |
my fiancee and i know just about everything about each others past. it bothers us so much to think that we have it. i know who he has kissed and who he has had sex with, and he is just the same. we may not the people personally, although, we both know that other people have done the things we do with each other. how can we deal with this correctly. is this a common problem?? any advice would be greatly appreciated

If they're financially responsible and successful - that was a result of life lessons and experiences from parents, teachers, friends, past relationships, past investments, self-discipline and self-awareness. I bet you love the fact that they're financially responsible and successful and stable....and aren't "resenting" those lessons or the losses in them.
Same thing....across the board.......I wouldn't go back and not have gone thru everything I went thru (and that's saying something, believe me) because I couldn't be who I am today if I hadn't had all those experiences.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Tiffany
Since you both already know all the details (which it is not always necessary to share) - there's no way to take this knowledge back. However, you both must realize that the past is the past. If you allow this to ruin a wonderful relationship now, you are making a mistake. Sometimes people drag in things from the past because they do not feel worthy of having the love and happiness they now have. Ask yourselves, what is the purpose of dwelling upon this now? What good will it do? Why am I doing it? You cannot change what happened, but you can make each day together special and meaningful. Remember, you are both not the person today you were then, - you are not even the person today you were yesterday. Dwelling too much upon the past is simply an escape from the present, and sometimes an unwillingness to move forward.
Stay in the present and give thanks for all the goodness you have.
Best wishes.
(Read my bookZen And The Art of Falling In Love which teaches how to stay in the present, to meditate, to be mindful and to let each day be new)
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.
Quite often, the people we've had sex with in the past - we had no emotinal bond with and it was simply physical gratification. Those are experiences to be learned from.
And just as often, the people we've been making love with in the past - we had a tremendous emotional bond of respect, care, love, acceptance, and admiration for them as a person - and thus it was much more than just physical gratification. Those are experiences to be learned from.
Because you're going to have both kinds of sexual activity - in any relationshhip. Knowing the difference is imperative.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
It's all insecurities and obviously we do compare or we wouldn't be with our men now. It does suck though, I know.
Jennifer
"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi