We Said I Do and Everything Changed

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
We Said I Do and Everything Changed
5
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 10:15am

I've been married to DH for five years. Three of those years have been sexless, we might as well be roommates. Although recently there has been a little bit of cuddling at night because I complained about the situation in a big way. Things were great the two years we dated and the year of the engagement. We had made the decision to be celibate during the relationship so our wedding night or at least our honeymoon, I expected to be making love on a regular basis. It didn't happen. In two weeks, we made love three times.

When we got home, things didn't change, they just got worse. Now it's to the point where there's nothing. To make matters worse, he's been unemployed for 2+ years and I'm disabled and on social security disability. Needless to say, I'm really struggling to keep the "important" bills paid, ie mortgage, utilities, phone and cable. The credit cards get paid if there's anything leftover. Fortunately, most of the credit card companies understand the situation. While they can't help because I don't bring in enough, they aren't hounding us either.

I don't know what to do to get the spark back in our marriage. I don't know how to encourage my husband to find a job without nagging. I even find sites online where places are hiring but I don't know if he follows through or not.

Any advice except for leaving him would be appreciated.

Kathleen

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 12-02-2007 - 6:14pm

Welcome to the board Kathleen,


Men's libido is directly tied to their jobs and how successful they feel or don't feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 2:46pm

Welcome to the board irish_kathleen,


Counseling could be helpful.


Have you asked him why he doesn't want sex?


Maybe he should get a physical to rule out anything medical causing this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 2:51pm

We tried counseling and that just made things worse. All he will say is it's not me about the sex issue. I did find a sample of Cialis in the bathroom. I suspect he has ED but he doesn't even seem to want to give the Cialis a try. I just don't understand and he doesn't talk to me.

Kathleen

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 2:53pm

Did you ask him about the Cialis?


Do you know if he was sexually active before you got married in previous relationships?


How old is he?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 6:17pm

Actually, it was my idea to remain celibate during the relationship. It had nothing to do with my sex drive but with my Faith. We have tried counseling but it didn't work. He won't talk about that problem and apparently, he has some deep rooted problems that go towards his inability to communicate which for some reason didn't show up till we said I do. We can't afford counseling now and even if we could, I doubt he would go again.

Thanks for the reading material suggestions. I'll hit the library tomorrow and see if they have them.