What is this all about?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2003
What is this all about?
4
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 9:17am
I would like some of your feedback on a situation I am in. I have know this guy for a while. There has always been an attraction. We recently took a little further when he made the first move of a kiss. At first I had a huge wall up. He was coming on strong as if he wanted to be a couple. You know asking is there a chance for a relationship etc. Well he left out of town and I let my wall down and sent him an email saying I was willing to take a chance. He asked me what changed my mind? I told him what is the worst thing that can happen? He said a broken heart. I said it would not be the first time my heart has been broken and it would probably not be the last so why not live life? Upon his arrival back in town I could sense something was not right. He was not affectionate like before and was kind of distant in fact very distant. I let him know I could sense something was wrong. He finally told me he thought it was what he wanted but it really was not. He said he did not want a relationship with me but loved spending time with me and being with me. I asked him what made him change his mind. He said circumstances. (like he lives out of town and would not be back for a while) Why would a guy come on so strong and then back way the heck off like that? I was the one that wanted to keep it on a friendly level in the first place. Is it because the chase is off? Is he afraid of something? Any insight is greatly appreciated.

jo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 1:41pm
jo....

Whenever a man has time and space to think things over...and consider the consequences of "getting closer"...he'll often back off! Doesn't mean the friendship isn't there and it certainly doesn't mean your friendship CAN'T grow!

But if friendship is all HE wants with you...give him this...and NOTHING ELSE!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2003
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 2:06pm
Thank you pianoguy! I am going to follow your advice. Who else but a man can figure out a man? Thanks again for the male insight!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 2:34pm
Hi jo,

I get two things from your post and it's probably an either or choice...

1) he likes the thrill of the chase

or

2) he felt rejected when you didn't jump at the chance for a relationship when he first offered.

Go slowly, as there will be some push-pull going on.

PS. from another man - my bf wrote this:

I think there is also the chance that he was willing to say/imply

anything for the chance to get in her pants (he really didn't say what

type of relationship, i.e., friends with benefits). When she said what

she said about wanting the relationship and willing to chance the broken

heart, maybe he no longer was willing to break her heart to get into her

pants (more details into the type of relationship).

Also, he could have met someone else while out of town..."circumstances"

changed.




Edited 8/9/2004 2:50 pm ET ET by itwinflame


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2003
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 3:40pm
Thank you so much for replying. He was not at all trying to get in my pants and has not tried since. He told me from the start that he does not believe in one night stands. I on the other hand i do. (That is what I wanted a friendship with a little fun added) He would not go for this. The only thing I can think of is he wants me to come out and go into the relationship full force. I feel because I cannot tell him this right now he has backed off. He keeps saying it is not about me it is him. He may very well met someone else but I think he would say that...he had no problem letting us know he had a girlfriend in the past. I think it is like he wants the whole pie and if he can't have it right now he does not want any of it but still wants to remain in my life as friend having a good time together. He is planning to move down here next year. That is when I told him I would try the relationship thing. I don't understand but when he looks at me and gives me hugs they are awesome. I can feel something even thought he is trying his hardest not to let feelings show.