What am I doing wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
What am I doing wrong?
3
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 10:16am
I need help in figuring out just what it is I am doing wrong. I was married for 13 years. (ended because my husband found it impossible to remain faithful to me). I have been in my currant relationship for 14 years (not married, just cohabitate)In the beginning, it seemed everything was good for the both of us, during the past 5 years however, many other woman have come to me and told me that he has asked them out, he has said very explicite things about what he would like to do with them, and on 2 occassions he has litterally groped and pawed them trying to get them to have sex with him. I am 42, he is 54, I have never refused any suggestion he has made in our bedroom. He says he loves me, until I confront him with any new accusations made against him, then he will try to lie, then he will accuse me of haveing an affair, then he will call me names and accuse me of things I never even thought of doing, then he will eat, watch T.V., sleep, and the next try to act as if nothing ever happened. About this affair accusation against me.....he invented it about 5 years ago, it simply never happened, yet when he is caught in a lie he will insist that he knows it did and that the man supposedly involved has told him everything. I have gone to this man and outright asked him if he ever told such lies and he deneys it. During one of his accusation outbursts I called this man on the speaker phone and told him to tell my man the truth, that I never had anything to do with him, my man grabbed the phone from the hook and told the other man that he should pay no attention to me, that I was crazy! It's easy to proove that someone has done something,but how does one proove that they have not? I do love this man and I have been faithful, will he ever be faithful? Can this relationship be saved?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 10:28am

It's nothing YOU are doing wrong; he simply is not capable of or willing to be faithful and honest.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 11:04am

something doesn't add up. you said that you were previously married for 13 years, and currently in a relationship for 14 years (that's 27 years, not including any 'break') and you are 42 which means you got married when you were 15 or younger?


whatever the situation is ---- its sounds like you married your first husband all over again. YOU are not doing anything wrong in this relationship - HE is. but YOU need to work on why you would marry (twice) this type of man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 1:31pm
What are you doing wrong? Staying with a man that is a liar. One that turns things on you. One that will confirm nothing and deny everything.

::will he ever be faithful?

Track record speaks for itself.

::Can this relationship be saved?

Sorry, but unless you are willing to have things remain the same, then I would say no.

Have you considered going to counseling by yourself?


Carrie