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| Wed, 03-14-2007 - 7:39pm |
I HAVE BEEN SEEING THIS WOMAN FOR 3 1/2 YEARS AND WE ARE CONSTANTLY ARGUING OVER SENSLESS THINGS. I DONT LIKE TO ARGUE BUT WHEN I AM PUSHED TO MY LIMIT I GET ANGRY. NEVER BY VIOLENCE , BUT WE RESORT TO CONSTANT NAME CALLING OR SOME OTHER 3RD GRADE ANTICS. MY PROBLEM IS THIS , ABOUT 2 WEEKS AGO I WAS TAKING A FINAL EXAM FOR SCHOOL AND AFTER THIS EXAM WHICH WAS 2 1/2 HOURS MY FRIEND CALLED BECAUSE HIS WIFE HAD TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY BECAUSE A DEATH IN THE FAMILY, THEN MY GIRLFRIEND CALLED TO SAY SHE WAS OFF OF WORK AND WOULD CALL WHEN SHE GOT HOME BECAUSE I WAS ON THE PHONE. AFTER I HUNG UP ANOTHER FRIEND CALLED BECAUSE HE WAS JUST DIAGNOSED WITH DIABETES AND WAS FEELING LOW SO WE TALKED. THEN SHE CALLED AGAIN BY THIS TIME IT WAS 8 OCLOCK AND I STILL HAD NOT SHOWERED BECAUSE I TOOK THE TEST AFTER WORK, SO I TOLD HER I WOULD SEE HER TOMMOROW, SHE GOT ANGRY BECAUSE SHE SAID WE HAD PLANS BUT THEY WERENT TO GO ANY WHERE JUST HANG OUT AT HER HOUSE, AND I SAID SO WHAT I WILL SEE YOU TOMMOROW AFTER WORK. WELL AFTER WORK I CALLED ON THE WAY HOME AND ASKED IF SHE HAD EATEN SHE SAID NO , SO I SAID OK WAIT FOR ME AND WE WILL OREDER FOOD, FIVE MINUTES LATER SHE CALLED BACK AND SAID DONT BOTHER COMING BECAUSE WE WOULD JUST FIGHT OVER MY ANSWER OF "SO WHAT I WILL SEE YOU TOMMOROW AFTER WORK" SHE THEN SENT ME A EMAIL STATING THAT SHE NO LONGER WANTED TO BE WIYH A PERSON WHO SHOWS DISRESPECT AND DISREGARD FOR HER AND SAID THAT ANY NORMAL GUY WOULD HAVE APOLOGIZED FOR SAYING WHAT I DID. TO WHICH MY ANSWER WAS MAYBE ANOTHER GIRL WOULD HAVE SAID HEY MY BOYFRIEND JUST TOOK A 2 1/2 TEST AND HAS NOT SHOWERED I WILL STAY BY HIM TONITE AND WE CAN SPEND THE REST OF THE WEEKEND AT HER HOUSE. WHICH WAS THE REASON IN THE FIRST PLACE OF ME TAKING THE TEST ON A THURSDAY SO WE WOULD HAVE THE WHOLE WEEKEND TO BE TOGETHER INSTEAD OF ME TAKING IT AS I NORMALLY DO ON A SATURDAY. ALSO THE FUNNY THING IS THAT ON WEDNESDAY SHE HAD JUST TOLD MY SISTER EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT, AND THEN NOW SHE HAS SAID IT WAS OVER BECAUSE OF SOMETHING LIKE THIS. WE HAVE NOT SPOKEN IN 2 WEEKS AND I WILL NOT CALL BECAUSE I FEEL I DID NOTHING WRONG AND I GUESS SHE FEELS THE SAME BY HER RESPONSE IN THE EMAIL. THERE ARE OTHER SITUATIONS BUT THAT IS FOR LATER, RIGHT NOW THIS SEEMS TO BE THE NEW DRAMA. AM I WRONG IF SO TELL ME. DON
Edited 3/14/2007 7:55 pm ET by topgun923
Edited 3/21/2007 6:32 pm ET by topgun923

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Hello topgun923! I have a question for you and that is, have you ever given her a reason not to trust you? Once you answer this, I can give you further insight on the situation as I am reading it. Take care.
P.S. - I hope the other experienced folks on this board will respond.
Edited 3/21/2007 6:34 pm ET by topgun923
Oh Dear! I must say you do have a lot on your hands. In all honesty, you seem to be a very good person, despite the flaws you claim. Has your GF seeked any kind of help? Just how long you have hung in there tells me that you are a good person. From re-reading your post, I see that she has got some sort of help and that you went with her. Please try to get her to see another counselor, from readiing these boards, some folks say, don't just go with the first counselor, keep trying to you find a one that actually fits your situation.
P.S. - I truly hope your relationship works out.
Im sorry to say, but from a female's point of view.. I would say that she doesn't want to be with you.
My bf does those kinds of things to me all the time... because he is in school and works also... but i don't break up with him because i get pissed at him once... twice... or even three times... because i love him and eventually i understand that school and work are important not only for our future but for his advancement... so i get over it and we move on... for her to break up with you over such a minor thing... and by email at that... is a clear sign that she no longer wants to be with you... im not even talking about the fact that she signed up for a dating service...
if she really loved you... she would understand by now and call you and start a descourse... but that has not happened in two weeks... i say cut your losses while you still have confidence in yourself... think about this... being in a relationship with a person like that... one who concentrates all of her energy on making elephants out of ants... would have destroyed you as a person ... this type of systematic disregard for you would have left you broken hearted and with more insecurities ....
it almost seems to me that she was looking for a reason to break up with you and look for someone else... perhaps one who feeds her insecurities and neediness ... who knows...
I am sorry that you are going through this but for you to get back with this person would cause more grief... I think you should start your healing process and concentrate on you... i wish you all the best...
Don
Don, a little man-to-man talk on something you really need to consider.
An insecure person tends to be selfish, controlling and irresponsible in their relationships. Everything must always be about her, revolve around her and benefit her. She will always need to be greater than you and more important than you. Your goals, priorities, wants, needs and obligations will always be secondary to hers.
She will not call you because you are nothing more than her loyal servant. She expects you to call her with your tail between your legs so that she gains the benefit of being more important than you or anything in your life. This is how many insecure women operate.
Great relationships are equality-based and mutually-beneficial. Can you honestly say that your relationship with her follows that basic principle? You are never obligated to lower yourself into a relationship in which there is no honor, respect or integrity for you as a man and the value you bring.
It's unfortunate this has happened. I honestly think your best choice right now is to let go and re-balance your life. Focus on your studies as that is important to you as a man. You have a lot to offer, just offer it to a woman that shows appreciation rather than disrespect.
Don
Hi topgun and welcome to the board.
I read both your posts, by the way, thanks for not using all CAPS on the second one...
While I agree with what everyone else wrote, I want to point out something, when a couple has 'plans' to see each other, it's important to follow through even if the plans were to do nothing.
sorry for sounding pissed but I am, to me this is crazy when i say i did everything i did , i wish i could write to someone and explain it all but maybe this is ok. i have alot to write so its hard to put the whole picture together i dont want people to feel that this is just my side because i am a person who tells it all even if i am wrong.
Don
Don,
I'm not sure it's about having 'no feeling' as much as it's she can't see the world or the situation outside of herself.
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