What is the deal with his divorce?
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What is the deal with his divorce?
| Tue, 09-14-2004 - 11:49am |
My BF and I have been dating for over a year and he has asked me to marry him. However, he says he can't marry me yet because when he went to get a marriage license he found out that his ex had not signed the divorce papers yet. She lives in another state (he moved) and now he is saying she refuses to sign. He told me they went before a judge to have their marriage dissolved and I just cannot understand why her signature is so important.
Can anyone give me some insight? It is driving me mad. He blames the delays in a new court hearing on the lawyers, but I just don't know.
Can anyone give me some insight? It is driving me mad. He blames the delays in a new court hearing on the lawyers, but I just don't know.
Other than this issue our relationship is perfect.

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Thank you for your insight. A few corrections though, his children are grown and he does not get along with his ex. I don't know if she even knows about me. Secondly, both of us are out of child rearing age and don't want children.
However, I like your insight and you make a lot of sense to me. I am at work now, and on my way in I had already decided to confront him tonight. I know he mentions me to his children, but I have never heard him discuss our engagement. This morning I overheard him talking with a daughter. Our pet dog was sprayed with a skunk and he had to come home to change after he realized he carried the scent too. He implied to her that her had run over the skunk. Not a major thing, but it is just one more question I have. By the way, his children all live out of state. I don't know what he is hiding or why, but I know he is hiding something. Your letter reinforced my conviction to confront him. I am a very honest person and I abhor dishonest people. If he can't be straight with me we have no future. If I ever get the truth out of him I will let you all know.
By the way, I was smart and never gave up my apartment when I moved in with him. So at least my living arrangements won't be a big hassle.
Again, thank you and I want you to know how much I appreciate the boost.
Divorce is called "loss". And values justify actions.
I know plenty of people that didn't like "living with that spouse" - but they have no desire to deal with dissolution of assets or loss of options, or past debt issues, or loss of familial or social network.
And PLENTY of those people remain apart, conduct their own lives....while NEVER getting divorced. Although I personally wouldn't do it - I CAN see how it works for other people.
The only thing they didn't like/want was "living with this person" - now that the impact of living together is removed - neither have any desire to lose in terms of financial assets, or social position, etc. etc. etc.
So now that they're NOT living together - losing more doesn't seem like an incentive to "get on with a divorce".
Basically, however, marriage is a legal institution and is pretty much a "business". If you're legally married - you either file taxes "jointly" or you file as "separate but married" - how does he file? Or - does he file? Not her - you don't know and it's not your business. Debts incurred by either spourse are held "jointly liable" by the holding company...the list is endless as to what 'marriage" involves in a legal and business only sense.
But him - does he file his taxes? I'm willing to bet he doesn't. He either ignores the issue altogether by being "underground" and not filing at all...or else he turns his W2's over to her - and she files jointly for them, and splits the dividends with him, or perhaps those are used for payment of taxes on joint property, etc. etc. etc.
But here's hte thing....a "marriage" is like a leash. It's all fine and good to think "I'm away from the master" - but the leash in reality still exists. And if he's one of the sort who's completely fine with "having a leash while running wild" realize one thing.
Think of a very emotional and hyper dog...in your house....with a leash....that you can't get the dog under control nor get physically a hold on the leash. And the dog is running around and in and out and thru every door, table leg, tv stand, etc. Eventually that leash is going to catch on something that won't let go easily at the first lunge forward by the dog. At which point, the dog is going to be going backward, the obstacle is giong to be impacted, and anything on the obstacle or anything it hits is going to be damaged.
Dating and living with a person who's married - is like having that type of dog loose in your life. And eventually - that leash is going to get caught on something that you hold dear, and it's going to be shattered and broken.
to avoid that...don't hve pets that have leashs in the home...and have pets that are well-trained at all times an in all places in your life. A well-trained pet is "self-disciplined and self-responsible" in the human sense.......I believe you get the point.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
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