What to do??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2006
What to do??
6
Thu, 05-29-2008 - 11:03pm
My boyfriend and I have had such a rocky 4-year-long relationship, we just took a 2-month break. Now he's finally decided he's ready to try relationship counseling (I'm 26, he's 31). We absolutely LOVE each other, we just argue way too much. Anyhow, we have totally amazing sex, there's NO problems in that aspect of our relationship AT ALL. We are working on making everything else just as great so we can get married and all the good stuff that comes along with that.
THAT being said, we are slowing down a bit and trying to have a good time together WITHOUT having sex! It's SOOOO HARD because we are so wildly passionate about each other and love having sex with each other. Isn't that strange that we just can't get along?!? Drives me crazy. So I'm going to his place to spend the night with him on Sunday. I want to show him a great night and really "WOW" him. But I can't really do anything sexual.. we're trying to resist that. I already decided I'll draw us a nice hot bubble-bath (he has a huge tub) and then I'll give him a full-body massage after the bath, for like an hour or something.. I just don't know what to do after that! We'll have a good four hours to kill off before we have to crash out for work on Monday.. I just want to show him how much I love him, show him a great relaxing evening... What else can I do besides a massage? Already decided a blow job is too much HAHAA. Thanks for any suggestions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: blue_eyez19
Fri, 05-30-2008 - 12:50pm

Welcome to the board blue_eyez19,


Have you read Five Love Langauges by Gary Chapman? If not, read it together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2006
In reply to: blue_eyez19
Fri, 05-30-2008 - 12:55pm
THANK YOU!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
In reply to: blue_eyez19
Fri, 05-30-2008 - 2:24pm

I personally dont see what the problem is hehehehe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2006
In reply to: blue_eyez19
Fri, 05-30-2008 - 2:35pm
THANK YOU!
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: blue_eyez19
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 1:28pm

If you're having a problem with arguing why you are then giving up sex? It doesn't really make sense. What you need to do is to deal with the issues you argue over, and also to learn how to communicate in a way that both feel truly heard and also truly able to say what they need to say. Communication is a great art and very important in relationships. Obviously, you communicate well in your sexual life, but not so well apart from that. Learn communication skills. See if you're dealing with power struggles, if one or the other always has to be "right". Give each other space to be and say what's on their mind and listen with respect and consideration. Unless you handle this area of arguing, things will be difficult going forward.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2006
In reply to: blue_eyez19
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 1:42pm
I don't really know why he wants to refrain from sex... Perhaps it's like a few other people have suggested and he wants to see if we connect on another level. I find that to be really ridiculous that he doesn't want to at least enjoy something that WE DO communicate great with. I think if that's one of our good points, we need to embrace it..and DO IT A LOT because we love to!! =) Either way, I'm going to his place tonight and I'm not going to initiate sex like I have the last 3 times we've been together.
I grabbed that book by Dr. Phil.."Relationship Rescue". So far I have fallen in love with it.