What to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2004
What to do?
10
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 10:33am

hi - im new to the board... I need some advice........


let me cut to the chase..been married for almost 3 years and my husband just came home from doing two years in prison.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 10:42am
Two years is a substantial amount of time. Do you really feel you deserve to be with a criminal?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 11:28am

Welcome to the board chantelleandzachsmom,


First I have to say that it was your decision to stand by him when he was in prison. This isn't something you had to do. Therefore, you shouldn't expect him to pamper you because you decided to stay with him.


Also my mom was in prison for almost 5 years and we have no idea what they go through while in there. It is normal that it would take them a little bit of them to get used to things once they get out.


Also I don't know what he did, but are you sure you want to be married to someone who went to prison?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2004
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 11:29am

Whether or not I 'deserve' to be with a criminal was not part of my question............

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2004
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 11:34am
wow - i was really hoping to come here and receive some non-judgemental advice!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 11:49am
I did say that he just got out and it does take some time for people to get readjusted to being on the outside again. I know it was hard on my mom for a
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2007
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 5:22pm

Its pretty stupid he would

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 6:29pm

If he had been away for 2 years, perhaps at war or some specialized job far away, would you expect that he cater and pamper you when he returned? Because you had waited for him? Does the fact that he served time in prison make any difference? You said it yourself that people deserve second chances, but it seems that you want him to pay for having left you alone for so long and you want him to make up for lost time.


Maybe he wants to be pampered too having been deprived of everything, including you and

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 9:38am

It sounds as though you need to seek professional help with this situation as soon as possible. He is definitely reacting to just coming out of two years in prison, which must have affected him greatly. He needs to work through the after affects of this. He also must learn how to behave with you, (and perhaps the other way around as well). You cannot stay in an abusive situation, but also, he doesn't have to kiss your butt. No one has to be disrespected in anyway because of what they've gone through.


Both individual and couple counselling would be very appropriate now. You do have children and it's certainly worth doing all you can to work out your differences, before you make a decision to part.


The very best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 10:35am
I don't think you would have mentioned it if it weren't an important part of your question. As someone else said, 2 years in prison changes someone greatly. And I do honestly think it's relevant to ask if you really want to be with someone in spite of having served a long prison sentence.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2007
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 12:13pm

C&Z's mom:


Sounds like there is a lot of deep anger inside. Was your relationship like this before he went to prison? Can you only recall the good times? Was he