What to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2007
What to do?
4
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 10:25pm

I work at home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: ustedes2007
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 1:07am

Welcome to the board ustedes2007,


Does your counselor have experience with abusive relationships?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: ustedes2007
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 8:39am

It sounds as though you are being taken advantage of and abused by a man who is stuck in a 1950s Good Housekeeping mentality of how a wife should act.

You want to save the relationship - but a relationship is a PARTNERSHIP between two people. That's not what you have. You're living under his rule; you're a citizen of his monarchy.

Most of the time I reply to people in a way that I think would help their relationship. I think that you need to think in terms of what is best for YOU. You really don't have a relationship with this man. I can predict that a next post from you in response might say something like "but I love him and most of the time he's really good to me." You need to figure out what your limits are and how much you can take. Depression is very serious and fighting it in your head will only work for so long.

It's safe to say that the chances are extraordinarily slim that your husband will wake up one day, or have an epiphany in counseling, and say to himself, "wow I've been treating my wife badly, I now want to share finances with her and allow her to go out of the house because suddenly I'm not jealous or controlling"

People don't change like that. I think your issue is very very serious - but it's a matter of you deciding how much longer you can live with a man who is this way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
In reply to: ustedes2007
Mon, 10-08-2007 - 12:22pm

Good morning ustedes,


What I am going to write will be shocking, and you won't like it.


Your husband is a psychopath and you need to leave this very instant.


Stories like yours end with a dead or severely beaten wife.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: ustedes2007
Mon, 10-08-2007 - 2:24pm

Welcome to the board ustedes2007,


I agree with the other posters. You are in an abusive relationship. It may not be a physically abusive relationship, but it is an abusive relationship.


What did the counselor say when you went to counseling? Would you be able to get into individual counseling?


I think you need to start working on an exit plan. Would you be willing to do that?

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