what to do?
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| Sat, 03-27-2004 - 1:51am |
ok here is my story sorry if it's long but it's the only way i can explain things. i have a friend that i have known for about 2 years we weren't the best of friends, good friends that who chatted thru email and all. near xmas time last year (2003) his wife and kids went down to another city to spend xmas with family, he was to come down the next day. he and his wife had been having some problems and as he explained it they were just co existing.
well he needed to talk to someone and invited another female co worker over to chat, they ended up having sex and he decided to leave his wife. things with the new woman started out ok, he fell in love with her she said that she felt the same. then she started acting weird about 2-3 weeks afterwards and pretty much stopped having any contact with him and ignoring him, never returning his calls or emails. this totally broke his heart since he was really smitten with her and loved her.
towards the end of february she tried to hook me and this guy up but actually we had already started talking and had set up a first meeting.
things were going good, cept he was still upset over what this woman did to him cause he still had feelings for her and possibly still loved her. well then he found out that she wanted to hook us up as a "plan" to see how he really was and she told him that it had worked. this pissed him off and he was extremely mad at himself for falling for her.
we dated for about a month, we went sorta fast, fell in love with each other and things were going great. cept he missed his kids and he was starting to have doubts about not having tried hard enough with his wife for his kids.
things started to get sorta complicated with us, he was upset over what had happened, still had feelings for this girl and was hacing severe doubts on not trying hard enough in his marriage
after a time we decided to end it with us to give him a chance to figure things out with his marriage and all. it was sorta his idea but i agreed. tho after we decided he kept asking me over a couple of times and would get very affectionate, one of these times even turned into us having sex again. he said that he did this cause he still had feelings for me.
i told him i couldnt handle seeing him and being intimate cause i still had strong feelings for him and it was hard knowing he was possibly going back to his wife. but yet i still want to be with him and miss him terribly.
he had told me that he hadnt given up on us. i am so confused. i get the feeling that i did something to him by constantly asking questions about us and he no longer has feelings for me or they are not waht they used to be.
i want to be mad at him angry for what he had done for giving me false hope or is it as much my fault as his? do i have a rite to be mad?
does he still have feelings for me or could he even? would he even think that there is still a chance for us if things dont work out (he wasnt sure if he wanted to try again because of his kids only or that he still had feelings for his wife) is he going back for his kids only? he has made comments about being upset cause his daughter has been having a hard time (she is 3) and most of the time he talks about it it is about his kids not his wife.
i feel really guilty like this is my fault and i have disappointed him some how or he suddenly doesnt feel the same for me as before because of something i did?
what should i do? should i try and keep in touch, initiate contact? or let him contact me first? how do i be supportive to him? how should i act, how should i be there for him?
ok i kno i asked alot of questions but i still love this guy and have strong feelings for him and am totally at a loss and having a hard time getting over him (this all happened this week)

Focus on you and your healing.
Carrie
from what you are describing, the only "feelings' this man has, are the feelings of wanting to have sex with women. sorry, but thats' what it looks like from here. he's not (i hope) 16 years old, and sex doesn't "just happen",