what to do
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| Mon, 08-18-2008 - 9:27pm |
Well, my husband and I have been married for almost 4 years. We have been together since I was barely 19. 2 years ago I quit work and went back to school, he wasn't happy with it but eventually signed on. Now, I have graduated, I am a registered radiologic technologist, but I can't find a job. I am completely stressed about the situation not to mention money is tight.
He can be difficult to love sometimes bc we show our love diffrently but I do love him. He came to me the other night and told me he knew that I wasn't happy and that he wanted me to be happy. He said he had tried to give me everything I had ever asked for(which he has, material wise, I just need a lil more touching and affection) and he couldn't give me anymore than he was already giving me. He said it broke his heart every night when he came home and he could see it in my face that he wasn't doin what I wanted him to do. But he physically couldn't do it. He offered to let me keep the house, him move out but continue to pay the bills, since I couldn't. He just wants me to be happy he says.
I don't think that its just our marriage that I am not happy with, I think that I am unhappy with life in general. I don't think anything he could do would make me happy. I have had bouts with depression in the past. Bad ones, when I was 13 I took an overdose. I am just afraid that he wants out and this is his way of trying to put it off on me. He wants me to be the bad guy. I just don't know what to do. I love him. I truly do, even tho I may forget it at times.

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"I am just afraid that he wants out and this is his way of trying to put it off on me. He wants me to be the bad guy."
I am not following you here - what do you mean?
Welcome to the board xraywifey,
::But he physically couldn't do it.
Can't or won't.
He sounds troubled and as though he feels unable to satisfy you and make you happy. Let him know that you love him a lot and that your unhappiness doesn't have to do with him, but with your own depression. Tell him that you are going to see a professional therapist to help you work through your issues. If you take the responsibility for your happiness off him, it might allow him to feel better and not move out. I also suggest couple therapy, so you both can improve communication skills and let each other know what you are really thinking and feeling and keep the contact alive.
Certainly, when there is a history of depression, it is wise to stay in contact with a fine therapist to work through issues that naturally arise in life and in relationships.
Best wishes,
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