what do i do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2011
what do i do?
6
Mon, 09-19-2011 - 1:41pm

i have a boyfriend for over 2 years now. in the first year of the relationship we were on a long distance relationship because he served the army so we would only meet every couple weeks but would talk on the phone everyday. then about a year ago his army service was completed and he moved here to LA and we moved in together. in the first year and half of the relationship everything seemed to be okay, he found a great job that makes him very good money he met some new friends, he gets along with my family very well, hes very respectful of me, treats me well and always trys to fullfill my needs and i do the same for him. although there is this issue where he is 23 years old but at times acts like a 10 yrs old boy; by this i mean that sometimes we will have the most stupid arguments about the most redicilous stuff or sometimes we will be aroundcompany and he will start saying those childish things and laugh around. honestly this issue seems to really bother me and i dont seem to get over it when he does that especially around people i sometimes get later comment from those people like hes still a kid

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 09-19-2011 - 2:12pm

Here's the hard part. There is very little difference between a 23 year old and a 10 year old boy. Very, very few 23 year olds (males at least, if not expecially) are truly ready to make a commitment to a woman because men that age have almost nothing to offer. They aren't finished with childhood, as you have noticed. Even if a person really wants a committed relationhsip, it does not mean they are ready for one.

You've tried to explain to your boyfriend something that he does not have enough wisdom or experience to see. Even if he agrees with you in theory, he would have to be a different person with more years spent on this earth to be able to give you what you want. The part that YOU are unable to see is that you cannot simply change a person by telling him how to change. He doesn't have your brain. He has a brain that is inhibited by immaturity and there is no way you can make him grow up any faster. Honestly, there is no way HE can make himself grow up any faster, either.

This person is not "marriage material" regardless of how much you love one another. He will not be "marriage material" for anyone, not just you, for quite some time. Part of growing up means being able to let go of childish expectations and actions. It's not possible to give up childhood when you're still living in it.

You are at an interesting age (I was there not too long ago) when people are in VERY different stages of maturity. Most guys your age cannot offer a real commitment even if they want to. The person you are with now is probably not the one you end up with, even if you love one another and make one another happy somtimes. It is hard, but you will have to accept that this guy cannot fulfill your expectations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2011
Mon, 09-19-2011 - 5:06pm

thank you so much for your replay. after reading your response i feel like my mom said something much alike. she said that i am very mature for my age and that my boyfriend isnt. the question is weather i am willing to put up with this until it goes away in couple years when he gets older or to break it off. the issue is that before this relationship i been in a relationship where i ended up heartbroken and i swore to my self that my next relationship will be different and so it is my current relationship is perfect from all points of view because although my boyfriend is childish but comparing to work wise he is very diligent, he knows what he wants in life he's very passianate about having the good life and so am i and we both work very hard to try to accomplish this but the issue where sometimes i feel like i cant take this anymore. yesterday for example we went out for dinner in the city and he drove my car and throughout the entire drive we wouldnt stop argueing about which road is the correct one to take to the restaurant, then about finding parking, then it was how instead of being by my side he kept walking on his own like i didnt exist later it was the part where we are at dinner with friends and my boyfriend wouldnt stop acting chilish and saying stupid things and i just got to the point where when dinner ended i had a very big sad face on and all the way home we didnt exchange a single word mainly because i didnt give him the face because i didnt do what to do at the situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 09-19-2011 - 5:23pm

The thing is though, you really don't have any guarantee that in two, four, eight, ten years he will be any more mature. Some men are emotional babies until the day they die. It wouldn't be smart to stay in this relationship with the hopes that he will grow up in a reasonable time frame... Chances are, that time will be wasted, and you will end up a lot more resentful than you are now.

"i cant take this anymore"

You shouldn't have to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 09-19-2011 - 5:58pm

>>Here's the hard part. There is very little difference between a 23 year old and a 10 year old boy.<<

Yep.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 09-19-2011 - 7:44pm
Depends on how long your willing to wait for him to grow up. I know some men that are in their 40's and 50's that still act like babies when things don't go their way or they feel they don't get enough attention from their SO. On the other hand I have a 24 yr, old son that is very emotionally mature for his age. So it may depend more on the man than his biological age.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 09-20-2011 - 12:36am

Maybe it's not immaturity!