What do I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2007
What do I do?
7
Tue, 10-23-2007 - 8:30pm

Hi, I am new to this forum so I will introduce my self a bit I am James Nierescher I am 20 years old and I am in the United States Army Reserves. To forewarn you this may be a little long and I thank you for your insight in advance...
~Here Goes~

Well, Me and my "girlfriend" Have been together now for 6 years on/off mostly on. Well I left for the army on Jan 9th 2007. In early September 2006 Me and her had been having some problems as in always fighting and bickering just not getting along and when we did it didn't last more than a day... So in Late September or maybe even October, Sarah"girlfriend and I" were at a mutual friends of ours and me and the guy were relaxing and hanging out when her the the girl friend went to the store well then they return they had a friend from a while ago with them that had joined the army and recently got back.... Soo we talked for a lil while and we left.. well couple nights later she was stressing really bad so I said" Why don't you go to your friends house for the night and ill take care of our daughter (2 yrs old now beautiful baby girl "kailie") So I took her over there and I had expressed concern about "Korey" the army guy that they had ran into and shes assured me that all was well and I had nothing to worry about Well the night before she said she need some time to think about things but never said were separated or seeing other people rather well to sum this one up he ended up being there that night and they had sex.. I find out 2 weeks later and completely fall apart.. and after a couple more weeks I completely separate from her and As a revenge type deal I kissed a girl I worked with at the time. Nothing more than a kiss.. Then I stopped it! Well, when she finally admitted to me that she had done what she done she told me she was really drunk and barely remembers what happen. So still crushed and don't know what to do I finally leave for the army and during training im very lonely and right home and tell her I want to be with her and she denied a relationship at that time and so on..... Well I return home and things are ok for a while we have sexual relations and eventually try a relationship... So we still fight every once in a while some really bad some nothing but not nearly as often then things start going quite good actually and then AT comes up "annual training" and I leave for a week to train in the field and guess who's unit was training with our? "KOREY'S"! So we actually talk oddly enough and I ask him to tell me truth, that he owed me that much and he did. and he goes on about how it was not just once it was that night and then for a week thereafter. She would go over there while I was at work and she actually took my daughter over there one time and they did it while she was sleeping!!!! So I call her and tell her I know she lied to me once I got home and she denied at first and I said "Sarah I know you lied to me horribly!" and she went silent.. we have yet to talk about it after that. The only thing we have done was i met with her to pick up my daughter and she came to get her and ended up sleeping here because of the weather being really bad but we did not talk at all while she was here and then I left for work this morning and haven't seen her since... My question is WHAT DO I DO? I truly love this girl and I want things to work but I feel like if I do try to be with her after all this im letting her know that what she did was ok and then all the lies about what she did is fine and I feel like I would be cheating my self but I cant see my life without being with her also! Im so confused and when I do talk to her what do I say? How do I go about telling her how bad she hurt me and Do I ask her start fresh and tell me the truth in her own words or what? Im sooo crushed right now and feel as if life is just not worth all this? Please help me all help is appreciated from the few that will prolly read this long post... ;(

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 12:30am

Dear James:


First of all - Thank you for your service to our country.


I feel so very bad for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 1:15pm
Welcome to the board misalesgal and thanks for sharing your son's story with James.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 1:20pm

Welcome to the board James,


I second misalesgal - THANK YOU - "Thank you for your service to our country."


Cheating, lying and betrayal are so very hard to overcome. Rebuilding trust takes a lot of work, usually through counseling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 2:16pm

Welcome to the board James,


Do you think you will be able to trust her after all of this? If not, the relationship will never make it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2007
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 12:26pm
Thank you all sooo much for your input.I talk to her yesterday and I layed everything on the table about what korey had told me and she is denying it all... She said that it was not for a week that it was just that one time. She says she has no idea why he would say that stuff. So I have no idea what to believe she sounded to be telling the truth but then I question why would he lye to me because he has nothing lose in the situation... I am soo confused and I don't know who to believe.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 1:13pm

Sorry you are going through this. I don't know who you should believe. I don't know why he would lie to you, but then again you wouldn't think she would lie either.


I hope you find the answers you are looking for.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 1:31pm

Ok, pardon me, but if it was ONE time vs a whole week, it's STILL CHEATING.


The question is do you walk away or insist on counseling and hope all the truth comes out there?