What do I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
What do I do?
2
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 8:36pm
It is me again (the girl who wrote the post on NEEDING MAJOR HELP). I also wrote a 'update and thank you all' on how I wrote him a note on how I have no choice to move on. And in this note I mentioned how maybe what it was the first month was a strong infatuation (because that is what you all think it sounded like.) But now I think that I shouldn't have said that in the note because I really think it was true love the first month. I mean I know that the second month, it was rude of him to not call me back and not see each other like before, and I know that talk is cheap but he sounded sincere on the phone when he told me he loved me back and it seemed like he wanted to spend more time but maybe he really was too busy, because he said he had his softball games coming up again and wanted me to come see them. I also said in the note that I think if two people "love" each other they will find the time to be together. What have I done? I am thinking that now I have screwed things up and it is sooooo extremely sad to me because maybe it actually was love. What do I do???
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: freshens
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 12:56am
Well, the note's not going to change anything...he was already not calling you very much before you sent it. So I wouldn't beat yourself up. YOU didn't screw anything up...it was already falling apart.

I wouldn't do anything...other than start working on accepting that it wasn't meant to be.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
In reply to: freshens
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 12:09pm
Sheri's right, you didn't screw this up. And think about it, if he's worth your time and misery, he'd be dignifying your note with a proper response. He'd be correcting you, trying his damnedest to convince you that his feelings for you are beyond infatuation, etc.

I'm really, really sorry that this is so hard. It is not your fault that he doesn't deserve your affection and attention.

I think you need to be firm. If you cave now, after sending this note, it'll only affirm the fact that he can keep disrespecting and disregarding you, and you'll just let him. It sends the message that his behavior is just fine with you. Even if he did come back to you, don't you want this behavior to change? So, don't reinforce reinforce this behavior.

Move on and stay strong. You'll be happier either way. Think about it. If you don't move on and continue to let him behave this way, he'll keep making you miserable. If you move on, you'll be happier - eventually - on your own. If he does come crawling to you, you'll be in a stronger, more independent place to evaluate his claims skeptically and change the terms of your relationship if you decide to take him back. But in any case, move on and focus on making yourself stronger.

Good luck.