What do I do???

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
What do I do???
5
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 2:36pm
Hi everyone. I am new to this site and I am hoping to get good advice from women who have maybe been in my situation before.

My boyfriend and I have been together for only 3 months, but I really love him and think that if we can make this work there will be a great future for us. The problem is he has a history of drug abuse... meth to be exact and when we got together I told him that it was drugs or me, becuase I didn't want to a part of that world and have that kind of life. He actually did really well for a long time and then about 2 weeks ago we were at a mutual friends house (who is also a user) and Marc (myy boyfriend) did it right in front of me! I was furious and when I asked him how long he had been doing this behind my back he said he had only done it a few times. But now I feel like I can't trust him with anything. I feel like whenever I am not around he is doing something wrong. Even though I can tell when he is on it because of his figgity feet and mouth, I am always suspecting. Now I have moved on to things like wondering if he is cheating on me or what else he has lied about. I dont know if I just have anxiety about things or if I am right to think this. I love him and dont want to lose him but I can't be with a guy that I can't trust so someone please help. Should I move past it and trust him again or should I kick him to the curb.
Avatar for lurkinglassie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: ash1605
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 3:07pm
You told him "drugs or you". It seems to me he has made his choice.

LL

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: ash1605
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 3:26pm
'when we got together I told him that it was drugs or me,'

Well he has chosen drugs. What will you choose? A boyfriend who does drugs or a life without this stress and distrust?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
In reply to: ash1605
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 7:18pm
I'm not too experienced with drug use in relationships, but I have had friends that were users and by no way is it healthy to any type of relationship be it love or friendship. I know you are in love with him, but he will not change unless he wants to, so I would probably distance myself from him until he makes the effort to quit the drug. You will never be happy in your relationship if he continues to use drugs. I hope this helps in someway. Sometimes letting someone go is better than staying with them and being miserable. Good luck.
Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ash1605
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 7:39pm
He has definitely made his choice - he is not giving up drugs so you need to decide if you want to be with a user or not. It really is that simple.

Personally I would not be with a man who did anything beyond drink a few beers a week or smoke a joint once in awhile. I don't want any of the probablems that come along with addiction and hard drug use.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
In reply to: ash1605
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 9:29am

Wow, he is not going to change overnight, he has an addiction and he needs to get his life in order before he can enter into any relationship.