What do I do?! Freaked and confused
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| Thu, 02-14-2008 - 3:29pm |
I don't know if I'm posting in the right place, but I'm really freaked out and confused and any help or advice you guys have would be greatly appreciated.
My SO and I have been together for three years and are living together. I love him and want to be with him and in all the time we have been together, I have never been attracted to anyone else. Until recently. There is a new guy at the office and he has always flirted with me and made it clear that he is attracted to me. I've never given him any signals that I'm anything other than thoroughly taken, but then I realized that I was attracted to him! When I thought about it, I realized that ironically, this guy at work is a lot like my SO and they share a lot of the same characteristics. Adding to this is the fact that we are in a bit of a rut in our relationship. We've both been really busy with our jobs and everything else going on and our relationship has taken a back seat. And he seems more distant and quiet recently, I don't know if it's stress or if it's me.
I feel horribly guilty about this crush, I feel sick while I'm at work, I feel like I'm cheating even though I have not given this other guy ANY indication that I find him attractive. My SO has noticed the change in me, every so often he asks me what's wrong, but I can't tell him. I can't avoid this other guy, we are in the same department and I have to work with him every day.
Please help, I don't know how to handle this and I am afraid of screwing everything up and losing this guy I love so much.

Welcome to the board evaevermore,
Start flirting with your boyfriend, seriously.
'And he seems more distant and quiet recently,'
Then it makes perfect sense that you are attracted to someone else. But don't take it anywhere. Don't flirt back. Be very clear that you are taken.
In the meantime you need to communicate with your boyfriend about the relationship and whether he wants to be less distant.
You do not have to act on your attraction to this other guy. But you do have to understand why it affecting you so much. It sounds as though it would be a good idea to talk this over with a professional counsellor, see if there's something missing in your relationship or some problem you haven't dealt with. There's no need to discuss it with your boyfriend, but a good idea to work on it with a therapist. Otherwise, even though you wish to keep things together, the strong feelings can damange your relationship. These kinds of feelings arise for all kinds of reasons, and very often they appear because something is wrong at home. Look and see what's really going on.
Best wishes,
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