What do I do---he's a chronic perv

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
What do I do---he's a chronic perv
9
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 1:11pm
I caught my fiancee on the phone with one of his ex-girlfriends jerking off. I reamed him about it and he said that she (the ex) didn't know what he was doing, that they were not talking about anything sexual. He said that jerking off like that is just a habbit. A few days later I caught him on the internet asking for a woman's phone number so they could have phone sex. I know he loves me but I really don't like the fact that he is calling his ex or strange women to have phone sex with them. He swears he's not cheating but when I catch him doing things like that I wonder if he's telling me the truth!! What should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 1:19pm
Run.

 

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 1:43pm

Gosh, to me what he's doing IS cheating!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 1:53pm
Don't marry him until you can trust him. It is not a sign of trustworthiness if he's doing that! Tell him that you are not going to be in a relationship with him unless he is completely honest with you. You deserve better than this.

If he is lying or hiding things from you and then not taking responsibility he needs to grow up and maybe one day he will realize that it was his own immaturity and bad behavior that caused him to lose you.

Regardless, he is not to be trusted until HE EARNS that trust!

Trust your instincts! If you are suspicious of him then you need to respect that you are a smart woman, even if he doesn't respect that fact!

What a player. He is clearly not emitting those "ready to get married or even be in a relationship" vibes!

You deserve to be treated like a queen and 100% loving and faithfulness that someone else can give you. Don't let him disrespect you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 7:47pm
IMO he IS cheating on you. If you don't want a husband who behaves this way, then choose another road for yourself. You know the tiger's stripes...don't expect a walk down the aisle to change anything. If you go ahead as planned knowing him as you do, then you'll have to take responsibility for your own unhappiness, as it was you who chose him for a lifelong partner. Think long and hard before proceeding. Bad choices = unhappiness.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 6:13am
as tatooo says: RUN. if this story is for real - he is totally perverted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 8:29am
I would have to break it off if it were me. To me, phone sex constitutes cheating. And clearly he has no respect for you because he continues to do this (not to mention that he's not exactly being discreet about it).
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 10:03am
I'm a pretty liberal girl and I say RUN too. He's not going to stop because you get married, he's obviously too involved in this fetish of his to think its wrong or to even entertain stopping. All I know is if I were you, walking down the aisle, all I would see when I see him waiting for me, is the image of him jerking off on the phone, any chance he gets. Yuck.

 

Tiffany

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 1:33pm
Thanks for all your input. I am planning on leaving as soon as I can get some money saved up. Right now I have no money and no where to go. We got into it the other night about it again and he told me that bascally he's just to "lazy" to jerk off and type, that it's easier for him to just call the person. I told him I didn't care that I didn't like any of it. He told me, again, that it's just habbit for him, nothing more. He says it has nothing to do with me, he loves having sex with me. I don't know what to believe anymore, I just know that it's time to get out for good. As soon as I get enough money put back I'm gone. God I hate saying that because I do love him, I just don't trust him or like how he makes me feel when I catch him doing this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 1:51pm
GOOD! I DEFINITELY believe you're making the right choice, especially after he basically tells you he will continue to do it - like there is nothing wrong with it - or he doesn't respect you enough or think you'll leave if he doesn't.

 

Tiffany