What Do I Do Now??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2007
What Do I Do Now??
18
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 9:48am
This issue has been resolved.


Edited 8/14/2007 12:32 pm ET by aryaflower1986

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 5:24pm

I've been called worse. LOL but it will be taken care of.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 6:23pm
This is not a board that I normally post on, but a random set of circumstances led me to see your post. As others have already told you, despite what your husband might think he cannot just walk away and take your daughter with him. Court mandated custody arrangements in most states still heavily favor the mother, your infidelity is irrelevant as far as custody of your child is concerned, and the fact that you are a SAHM actually works in your favor.

I think the real question is what do you really want to do about your marriage? Unlike some of the other posters, I'm not inclined to judge someone whose shoes I haven't walked in, but drunk or not these things don't just happen. You wrote that you were *lonely, sad, feeling like crap and wondering if you were good enough*. Is that because you and DH are not really working on the issues in your marriage that hard? Or you're working on them, but he isn't? Is DH making you feel like crap, and like you're not good enough? The fact that you were open to having sex with someone else, drunk or not, should be a huge wake up call. I think you need to listen to your heart, and figure out which direction you really want to go in.



If you do decide to stay and work on your marriage, in your shoes I would not tell DH about your infidelity as long as it remains a one time thing. Telling him can only hurt him, and won't do anything to help you or your marriage. If the infidelity happens again, however, then I think it means that your subconscious will be trying to tell you something about the state of your marriage that you should probably listen to.



Others have already suggested counseling, both for yourself and together (assuming you aren't already in marriage counseling), which I think is a good suggestion. You have a difficult set of choices ahead of you. I wish you luck in figuring out which path you take from here, and I hope that you are able to find happiness on whichever path you choose.



{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 9:02pm
Thanks Steve and you are welcome here anytime...hat or no hat!!



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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 1:50am

Hmmmm....I came on late and reported his first post as soon as I saw it. Then I reached his second post which had already deleted before I arrived.

I can't figure out why his first post is still standing though. If it doesn't clarify as a "personal attack", it certainly fails the vulgarity test.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 2:15am
I agree with you...as my understanding is that even **** are not allowed... I've written to Angela. She's all alone this week, so we'll have to wait to see what happens.



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Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 10:20am

You do not have to punish yourself and him by telling him about this. Losing your daughter is a dire consequence for a one time indiscretion. However, it is important to deal with why this happened and to get rid of your upset both about yourself and your marriage. I strongly suggest that you seek professional counseling to work out the issues that created this situation. Obviously, you have a lot of upset going on, or things would never have come to this point. Get a good therapist, sit down, face yourself and your issues...deal with the guilt and sorrow you feel. You do not have to lose your daughter (which would also be a catastrophe for her). Just handle what happened, be mature, and you will be able to move forward in ways that are right and appropriate for you.


P.S. I don't think a father can legally take a child away due to a mother's infidelity.It takes a lot for the court to remove a mother from her child. These are legal issues. If you fear your husband or what he says, check it out for yourself with an attorney.


All in all, it's important to get the help you need.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 11:06am

So so so sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo true.

ask them personal questions and see just how 'qualified' the self appointed police are at 'saving relationships.'

I bet most just have a stream of failed relationships and come here because of their inability to deal directly with their own personal problems.

I hope and pray that you are made the community leader of this board. It would be nice if there was one that was truly interested in saving relationships.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2003
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 12:21pm

Hi everyone,


Please remember to offer your advice on the topic of discussion and not make personal comments or judgments about other individuals within the discussion.

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