What do i do now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
What do i do now?
1
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 8:36am
I need some advice on my situation and want to know, did I do the right thing?

I have been with my nf for 3 month. Everything was going just great and moving along fine.

We spend mostly weekend together because helives 1.5hr away and we both work. Every weekend was great. He is open, honest and he know how to communicate which is a big deal in my book.

He introduced me to his married male friends and their wives, showed me where he works, and I felt he was letting me into his world. I felt wanted and cared for by him.

This past weekend, he came to my place. Again we soend a wonderful weekend together. He was loving as usual. We had lots of fun.

He called me as usual when he got home, everything was fine. He calls me Monday (like he always calls me in the morning leaving me a good morning message wishing me a nice day).

On Tuesday he calls me and we talk as usual and out of the blue he says to me " I am not sure if I feel the same way about you then you feel about me". I said "Okay". He then said "How do I know you the ONE"? "How do I know we meant to be together"?

I said, " Well how does anyone know"? I asked him why does he feel this way and what was going on with him. He said he wasen't sure if he is ready for a committment.

He than says to me " He said that he thought Iwas falling in love with him and he did not know if he felt the same way. I just wanted to get this of my chest, don't worry, everything is ok and I call you tonight".

In the meantime I felt like a train hit me however I was glad that he did openly tell me what he had on his mind and he does have a right to his own feelings and to let me know about them. I am thankful that he is honest about that and not sneak around my back or pretend.

That same night he calls me and says " I just need a little space". I said Okay no problem. I asked him if there was another girl he said no. After talking some more he said " well there is an old friend (a girl) that I have been talking to alot lately ,you don't know her but she knows about you. I asked if it was someone he had told me about before he said no.

He said he did not think it was fair to me for him to think about that person and he is with me and thathe cares a lot about me and does not want to hurt me. He needs space to find out what his feelings are.

Allthough I was crushed I tried to stay understanding, giving him the respect for being truthful with me.

We ended our conversation with him telling me he would call me the next day.

I thought about everything he told me and I wrote him a letter telling him that I was going to let him go with love and that I respect him for being honest with me about all of this. I told him that if he had another woman on his mind it would be best if I completely set him free so he can do what he needs to do and that I was not going to wait living my life but that I was keeping the door open for him shouldhe decide to come back and that I would help him with that.

He replied back thanking me for being so understanding and that he had to do what he had to do right now. He told me he felt hurt for hurting me and he did not want to hurt me anymore then he already had and that is why he was doing this.

Now I do not know if there is indeed another woman or if he just plain got scared because I treated him with respect and love. I feel that perhaps he just met someone new of a dating site. The same one we met on. He never took his ad down in the time we were together, it is still up.

He was 19 when he got married, married for 10 years and that went bad. 6 month later he got into another relationship that lasted 3 years and finsihed in a break up. 6 month after that he met me.

I have not heard from him in 5 days now. I think the no contact rule applies here however I do want him to know I care for him and I am here.

What do you think of this? What do I do now? I did fall in love with him and I want to be with him.

Now here are 2 people, couldn;t have more chemistry. Having a wonderful time enjoying one another. I am smart, beautiful , sexy and he tells me the best woman he has ever been with since his 2 failed relationships. He said his ex's made him feel not wanted and how he felt wanted with me. Than why in the world would he throw this away?

Any input in this would be great!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 1:06pm
I think you did the only thing you could.... he said there was a woman he was talking to, needed space to figure out what he wanted... which probably means he was having trouble deciding which of you was a better match for him, not wanting to promise either of you anything. He's 'dating' and should have told you that before spending every weekend with you or stopped getting overly involved with the other woman when the relationship with you went to the next level.

If there is no other woman and he lied about her, than you don't need that in your life either.

Heal your heart. My best to you.


Carrie