What to do once you're in love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2007
What to do once you're in love?
5
Thu, 12-13-2007 - 3:31am
I'm in love with one of my best friends, he means the world to me. We've known each other for 2 years and have been close since day one. We have physical chemistry, that's not the problem. I guess the problem is him...we haven't talked in about a month now, and I think he moved back to Alabama (I live in Iowa) for things he needed to complete there with family and friends. And I totally respect that! I, recently, finally told him that I loved him, which was very hard to do. I just don't know what to do now, he won't talk to me...no email, no online chat, no phone calls, nothing...I hope I didn't freak him out. We started a relationship, but he told me that he may move back home so I needed to go out and have fun with other people too. I tried to go on other dates with other people and the whole time all I could think is, "Well, this is nice, but it's not Gary." It was upsetting...I know I don't want to be with anyone else, and I know it's not just lust anymore. I just don't know what to say to basically slap him to realize I'm here and I'm real! So what do I do? I need help...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 12-13-2007 - 7:08am

You don't have many options here. In fact, there's really only one.. Accepting that he's not interested in you and moving on. He obviously doesn't feel the same for you. Think about another guy friend who you're not attracted to. How would you feel if he liked you, and instead of taking your rejection like a champ, he wanted to basically slap you and let you realize he's here?

Your ex-friend isn't talking to you anymore because he feels awkward carrying on a friendship with someone who loves him (using the "L" word with someone you aren't even in a relationship with is scary). I'm sorry but you don't really have any choice with this one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2007
Thu, 12-13-2007 - 9:48am
It's more complex than that I guess. He has done more for me than anyone in my whole life. I didn't say the "L" word until very recently when he asked me to not lie about how I truly feel toward him. So I said my feelings run deep, it wasn't until literally about a week ago when I used the "L" word. I didn't want things to go there with him anyway, but it's like I just can't get over it...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 12-13-2007 - 11:04am
It may be a complex lead-in to this situation, but honestly your choices are still pretty simple... There isn't anything you can do to change his feelings; if he isn't talking to you then you can't do much
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 12-13-2007 - 11:27am

Welcome to the board skscr923,


Unfortunately, it's not more

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-13-2007 - 3:18pm

Well, if there are no phone calls, emails, or anything for a month, that's not good. It sounds as though he's running away, or shutting down the relationship. Most likely he could not really handle the transition from friend to "boyfriend". It sounds as though his fear has gotten the better of him. It's too bad that he can't be up front with you, however, and tell you what he's going through, rather than just cut and run. As you were friends for two years, you would think he would at least do that.


His behavior is not healthy or even respectful of you. Keep going out on dates, and