What do you do when the passion is gone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
What do you do when the passion is gone?
2
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 7:06pm
My H has been having an affair for about a month. He doesn't want it to end because of the newness, the exciting feelings, the passion he has for her. He says that he doesn't feel any of that with me. How do we get these feelings back? We have been married for 13 years, together for 17. It has been about a year since we have had sex, and he has stopped touching me with any kind of affection months ago. I think he will stop the affair if we can connect again.

Please help.

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 7:13pm
Try posting on the Healing after Betrayal or Betrayed Spouse support board.

As long as he's seeing the other woman (OW) you don't have much hope of making a go of your marriage and reconnecting. He has to want to regain with you what he has with her. Most couples can do it on their own without third party help, read that marriage counseling.

Reading material to consider:

Infidelity: A Survival Guide by Don-David

After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful -- Janis Abrahms

Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering from the Pain by Rona Subotnik, Gloria Harris

Straight Talk About Betrayal: A Self-Help Guide for Couples by Donna R. Bellafiore

His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr

My best to you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 7:40pm
Are you wanting an equality based, honestly communicative, loving, and mutually beneficial marriage?

Or are you wanting ot keep the benefits and security of marriage?

Because if youo want the first thing - you can't get it with him. He doesn't want that with you - he wants to have affairs because of how it makes him feel about himself. He doesn't care waht you want or need.

If you're wanting to keep the benefits and security of marriage...there are ways to go about that, while letting him conduct his affairs, and keep his hands off you so that you're not subjected to potential disease.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com