What do you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
What do you think?
4
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 10:32pm

discussion title: What do you think?
emoticon:
message #: x.1
from: lovergrl18
date: 10:29 pm

I've written on this board many times over the last months and its been so therapeutic for me. Sometimes I ask the same questions but each time I get responses its so helpful, even if its the same advice I've already heard. I'm back again for more!

Background: BF of 3 years and I are in an LDR (college) he had a one-night stand about 8-9 mos or so ago. I found out about 6 months ago and broke things off. We are both now home from college (live in same town) He has tried since the moment we broke up to win me back. I was so reluctant at first but after many months I decided that maybe our relationship was worth trying to salvage. We get along great and he has been trying hard. He has not pressured me at all for a physical relationship, he has told me he will give me all the time I need if I will take him back, we spend a good amount of time together since we have been home and get along well. He has done a lot to show me how sorry he is and I have no doubt in his sincerity. He is a wonderful person who I believe made a very bad judgement call and has learned his lesson (not that it eases my broken heart or is an excuse for his poor behavior)But i still have days where i wake up and i am so mad at him, so hurt. Other days I just think ahead and not in the past. I know this will take time to get over....

I know there is no quick fix. What i want is a crystal ball to see if I will ever be able to fully get back into this relationship or am i wasting both our time? Has anyone reconciled and worked thru this? What would be a "fair" amount of time before I say maybe its never going to work? I need support or a kick in the butt that i'm stupid~!

Any thoughts out there?


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2007
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:02pm

Honestly hun, only you will ever know if you can be happy with him....I know how hard it is to forgive someone for hurting you. My husband moved another girl into our house when I was 7 months pregnant after he told me he wanted a divorce. I said I forgave him and we got back together...it's 4 years later, and we are separated again. Each situation is different...you can't see in the future..if i could...i probably wouldn't be as confused as I am now.

You are the only one who knows if you can get past this hurt..and yes, it will take time to forgive him and learn to trust again, but it can be done. Just keep your faith...and try to stay positive...negative thinking breeds bad things...i know this lol...i've been trying to choose happiness :) and it really is easier to do if you jsut choose to do it

i'm not much help, i just wanted you to know that it is possible to get over the hurt...but you will never forget it..just forgive...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:24pm

Welcome back lovergrl18,


Based on everything I've ever read and seen on these boards, most couples cannot overcome betrayal, cheating, infidelity on their own. It takes time, in counseling to rebuild trust and heal the hurt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 4:33pm

At this point, counseling is just not an option. We go to school a couple of hours apart, we both lead very busy lives. We have to get thru this ourselves for now, the best we know how...and being 20 years old, we don't have a lot of experience!

Any words of wisdom outside counseling?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 5:05pm

Straight Talk About Betrayal: A Self-Help Guide for Couples by Donna R. Bellafiore