What do you think! Any advice is welcome!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2003
What do you think! Any advice is welcome!
14
Fri, 12-13-2013 - 9:38am

I have been spending time with a man for almost a year now.  We went into the time together with no expectations.  We enjoy each other and it is like we are in a relationship but with out the definition of say we are in a relationship.  He was heart broken by his ex wife.  He thought he would be married for ever.  He shows me love and treats me well. I just tell everyone we are using each other.  He says that does not sound good...but really it may be the truth.  I think I love him...I usually don't spend this much time with men..my cut off is 3 months.  I tend to get bored and need new things.  With him I don't feel that way.  I guess I want more but at the same time I don't.  I know I am so out there most of the time. We are both very afraid of getting hurt. He tells me he spends time with me because he doesn't have to.  He does not want to define the relationship.  He says he will not tell anyone every again that he loves them.  He says he promised himself he will not show PDA...but he does. He also says I don't know if that will change next week, two weeks from now or years from now.  So what do yall think so far?  Could we both be so scared we are in denial? Are we both really wasting our time?  I do not want to grow old and have to go to Applebees alone! (line from a movie) Your adivce is greatly appreciated.

 

Ps should I just be happy with the way things are now. They really are good! What is wrong with me?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 12-15-2013 - 1:34am

Jovial-

Hi. Unfortunately, it sounds like you have psychological issues holding you back. This is the only way I can interpret your current concerns and dating history. Perhaps your parents had  dysfunctional relationship with each other and you. Perhaps you suffered abuse when you were young. Anyway, this is likely affecting you now. You need a competent therapist to help you so you can live happily ever with a man.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 12-15-2013 - 2:06am

  You must know who you are. You cannot see yourself vis a vie a relationship but as an independent person.  I myself am a gregarious loner.  I like to go out and meet people but i also love coming home to me.   I really prefer my lover(s) to be far enough away that they do not 'drop in" but close enought to visit.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2003
Mon, 12-16-2013 - 11:23am
Xxxs, lol you sound just like me! Well that is until I found this guy that I really like. Thank you so much for your post!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2003
Tue, 12-17-2013 - 9:48am
Trenner2, I agree I could very well have psychological issues...but I was not abused and my mother and father were married over 40 years before he passed away. Thank you for your input! Happy Holidays!

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