What does this dream mean?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
What does this dream mean?!
4
Sat, 05-31-2003 - 1:21pm
I'm 25 years old and broke up with my boyfriend about four months ago. We were together for almost 2 years. The short and sweet version is that he and I had a great time together, lots of chemistry, and he's truly a wonderful person. But he did have a lot of immature qualities (he's a few years older than me and has no real career or ambitions, a sort of refusal to become an adult, etc.) that made me think I couldn't see a future with him. So, since we broke up I have felt confident that I made the right decision, because I was never sure that he was the one. We recently started hanging out again as friends, and we have such a great time together that it's really left me feeling conflicted about whether or not I'm meant to be with him. I thought that pretty much the whole time we were together that my gut was saying that he wasn't the one, and now I'm not sure what my gut is saying. Last night I had one of the most disturbing dreams I can ever remember having. I dreamed that I was attending his wedding, and it absolutely broke my heart to see him so happy with his new bride. I woke up in the middle of the night and I was actually shaking, it disturbed me so much. This is the strangest thing because in real life he has had a hard time getting over me and I've hoped many times for him to meet someone else, and I honestly didn't think it would bother me. He's such a terrific person and was such a great boyfriend that I truly just want him to be happy. And there he was in my dream, happy, just as I want him to be, and it felt like a knife through the heart. I was just not prepared for how terrible it made me feel. Is this a sign that we should get back together? Or a sign that I did the right thing by listening to my gut, and that he will find happiness and so I shouldn't worry so much about him? I'm so confused and upset by it.

I've received advice from friends that when someone is "the one," you just know it, and it shouldn't be so difficult to decide and rationalize. I feel like I keep going back and forth about whether or not we should be together. At the same time, what does it say that I can't just fully get over it? I just can't imagine having that kind of compability with anyone else, and it makes me sad to even think about it. I miss him so much. Needless to say, I'm totally confused.

Any thoughts that anyone has would be EXTREMELY helpful. Thank you so much. By the way, at the end of the dream, the Golden Girls came in bringing plates of food. I'm not even trying to analyze that piece of it...:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sat, 05-31-2003 - 9:53pm
i just wanted to give a little info. I once had a five year relationship. Things seemed great. Until my bf said that it didn't feel right for us to continue our relationship because he love for me had changed. So we broke up and i was so heart broken and he instantly found another girlfriend. We still spoke to one another and he said he loved me and he wished i would be happy, because it would hurt him to see me hurting. Us visiting hurt his girlfriend and made their relationship shaky. But he continued seeing me because we were friends who cared for each other. So time went by and i healed and moved on. I got happy again. It seemed like a long time and i never thought i would get over him, but i became happy and found somebody new. This i knew bothered him. It hurt him to see me happy, and i could see that he wanted to be with me again. We didn't go that route and i know it would have been a mistake if we did. Now he is happy with that same girl and i moved on. So i guess what i am trying to get across is you probably will see him happy, and if you do, do the right thing and let him be. Yes you will be hurt seeing someone as great as him being happy with someone else, but don't ruin what they have. I don't think your dream is telling you to get back together with him. Even though he is a great guy, he may not be yours, afterall it sounds like you didn't feel like he was the one for you. So i think you dream could be preparing you for what is to come. Happiness for him and of course happiness for you. You will find the one for you and when you do you will know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Sun, 06-01-2003 - 1:50pm
Sweets, thank you so much for your reply. Your words really resonated with me. I'm saving what you wrote so I can go back and read it when I need to! Thanks again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Sun, 06-01-2003 - 5:27pm


Great dream!

And agree with the analysis so far...

Something you said in your email--that you thought he was irresponsible--well, this is a KEY quality that a person like you needs in a mate, and if he doesn't have it, well, you would never be happy with him. You obviously need someone with goals and a plan for his life, and however much you liked this guy, your respect would be eroded over time. You would like him but he would not contribute to your happiness.

As for your dream, I think you're mourning the relationship with him that could have been, happy about the relationship with him that is now, and as well of course jealous that anyone else is going to have him. This is normal. My greatest love (before my husband) just wrote me this past week and told me he is seriously seeing someone. I of course am happy for him. VERY happy! I've been waiting to hear that for awhile! But even so, and even though I myself am happy, at the same time when I read that something inside me died a little. I will always want him to be mine, even though he never really was, and never will be, and even though I can never ever be his. People can feel seven things at one time, all of them seemingly contradictory, and all of them real emotions.

Your psyche is trying to process it all. It's a complicated situation.

As for the Golden Girls--did it ever occur to you that they are all UNMARRIED, yet extremely happy with their situations? They could themselves be unofficially "blessing" the event, as well as serving as an expression of some sort of fear that you will end up older and without someone.

Interesting!

Saucygirl

Avatar for wishfulkittn
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 1:12am
I agree. It's especially hard when you have been with someone for a while and things don't work out. All of that time you spent with them, you were thinking about the future, them being in your life, how your lives together were going to be, etc. Even if you ended things with the man you were seeing because he had qualities you couldn't accept, it's still awfully painful to break up with someone. You have lost that comfort zone. You can't replace the time you have spent, but your life is so different now that you don't quite know what to do. Been there, done that....quite a few times. What you are hurting over is HIM, but most importantly, what you thought the relationship "COULD" be. The way you felt when it was really good. The reality is, that dream that you envisioned in your head for the past 2 yrs., 4 months was just that- a dream! It was false because things couldn't have worked out that way. The dream that you had was spending your life with a man who had all of his stuff together, priorities straight, no serious issues, etc. This man is NOT the man for you, and if you keep moving on, you will be proud that you didn't stay with someone you weren't compatible with in the future.