what does he want :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
what does he want :(
4
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 12:59pm

what do i do guys? what is going on here...

ive been seeing a guy on and off for over a year. its clear that there are strong feelings involved but we have never officially been a couple.
hes 19 and in his first year of university, and im a year younger. he is always busy and stressed out with school. we get really close, then have a few days with less contact, then close again, on and off, back and forth.

whenever we get on the topic of dating officially, things get awkward and uneasy. he claims he is not good with relationships and finds them complicated and filled with; arguments, jelousy, and having a hard time finding time for one another.
however... he doesnt hook up with or care for other girls, or go out with other people often.

i fell as if we are at a standstill... and i am left wanting more.
what do i do? is something wrong with me? him?
whats going on in his head?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 1:17pm

I think the real question here is - What do you want?

All this means is - his current LIFE goals, priorities and obligations are of greater importance to him than a serious relationship. He currently does not want the extra responsibilities, accountabilities and obligations that come with a serious relationship as part of his short-term life plan. He's not wrong in choosing this direction, however, he is likely very different from you.

If your current LIFE goals and priorities include building a serious relationship - then he is not a good candidate for you to achieve your goals and priorities.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 1:59pm

Welcome to board missrazr,


It seems like the two of you want different things in your lives right now. He wants to remain single so he can focus

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 2:40pm

Hi missrazr,


You've already gotten good advice, I just wanted to chime in.


Right now being with you is easy for him as he doesn't have to think about the demands of a relationship until you ask. If this is your goal - to be with him in a long-term committed relationship, well, no amount of pushing on your part is going to make that happen. He's not ready for that.


If you want more, you are going to have to be ok with being 'just friends' or moving on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 3:03pm

He's just not that into you.

Once in a while he will seek out companionship, and you are a willing participant. Of course he keeps coming back! This arrangement is not satisfactory to you, but you keep accepting the crumbs of attention he offers. He says he's not good with relationships - even YOU know how lame THAT sounds. Dump him and find someone who will treat you as you wish to be treated. You are worth it!