What does it mean when men say...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
What does it mean when men say...
1
Sun, 01-18-2004 - 2:23pm
I'm having an almost 4 month old, wonderful relationship with a guy that I'm crazy for. Actually we've both considered and already talked about some future together and about a month ago he asked me to move in with him. We started looking for an appartment and finally found one and decided to split it with another friend couple. After that came winter vacations, I had a problem at home and couldn't travel with him but deffinitely found a way to spend a week traveling with him. The rest of the time, my boyfriend traveled alone. He came back a week ago and is behaving very distant and cold with me. I tried talking with him but he said that he didn't notice any change towards me, that he thought he was behaving exactly the same way. I accepted his reasons and just tried (and was) normal with him... as always. Just today I tried talking to him again and he said he needed more space and that maybe in the trip he noticed that he can have fun alone and that he likes that. I asked him if he still was interested in our relationship and if any of our plans should change, that maybe it was too soon for us to move in together. He replied that he didn't want to change our plans, that he loves me and wants us to live together but that this past week we've spend a lot of time together and that maybe he wanted to spend some time by his own. Also that he has a lot of things in his mind right now with the new house, and school and that he just came back and had to deal with all those things again, like his thesis project. I think I had a very worried face because he couldn't stop asking me what I fell and what I thought. I told him that I couldn't tell him right away because I didn't expect that and that I was confused. To that he just replied that I'm making too big a problem, that I shouldn't worry about anything and that everything was all right. So my question is... what does it mean when he said he needs more time? I know it's a common thing that man say, but this is the first time someone tells me something like that and I want to know what that means! I want to know what to do, how to give him space?

Please give me any advice you can think of...

I know it's a weird post, but you gotta forgive me... I just talked to him about an hour ago... so I guess I'm weird too!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
Sun, 01-18-2004 - 3:13pm
it is not weird at all. actually it is very common. men give their "i need space" speech many times, and the best thing you can do is just to let him have his space, and soon or later he'll start missing you and he would want to do away with his space. many men just say "i need space" and nothing more, which is confusing to a woman, but you are lucky that your man even tells you and assure you that he loves you, nothing changes, and he just need some space in a honest way. you have nothing to worry about. men have their thing with intimacy and then independence. they have to have both, and especially when they are stressed out they tend to need space. and you've handled the situation really well, that you didn't blame him and simply said you were confused. im glad he asked how you felt or thought. that shows he cares.

while you are giving him his space, well... there's nothing you can do for him but to give him his space. that means, go out shopping with your girlfriends, spend sometime by yourself, read a book, go work out, go watch a movie. do the things you enjoy and don't worry about him. he'll be back being more loving to you. plus take the opportunities do something nice for yourself. good luck!