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| Mon, 02-16-2004 - 5:09pm |
I was wondering if anyone could shed some light on my current situation if at all possible. I've been with my bf for a year and a half(off and on).We get along really well together and have a great time. Our relationship has been rocky in the past but we've both been working really hard to make things better. For as long as I can remember my bf has never really been too into kissing me. In the very begining of our relationship as I remember he did it a little bit but I guess I didn't pay too much attention to it because he made up for it in other ways as far as always wanting to spend time with me and kissing my face etc. At this point our relationship has taken a lot of twists and I do have some insecurities. I guess that's why for the past year I've been noticing and it's been really bothering me that he only kisses me on the lips sometimes. I can't even say that he only does it during sex because most of the time it doesn't happen then either unless we have a big arguement and it comes up. Then the next time we are in bed he'll make it a point to do a lot of kissing. This goes for holding hands as well. He never holds my hand in public. If we're going accross a street or something he'll always grab my hand to sort of pull me along but by the time we reach the other side of the street he doesn't hesitate at all to let it go. I've mentioned this to him but he just says that he's not big at all into holding hands. I asked why he did it so much in the very begining and he said that it was because i was new to him and he was so taken by me and just kinda wanted to touch me as much as he could to get a feel for me.I guess I wouldn't have too much of a problem with it if he just didn't like holding hands & stuff with anyone but I've had randome conversations with him in the past where he would be telling me a story about something that happened and he'll say "Yeah, one time I was at the mall with my girlfriend at the time and we had beein together for about a year or so andwe were walking holding hands and then xyz happened." I guess he didn't realize he had always told me that he didn't like holding hands but it seems like anytime he spoke to me about an exgirlfriend there's a hand holding story envolved.
Maybe I'm just overly sensitive but this bothers me to no end.Or is this an indication of how he really feels or rather doesn't feel for me? I really feel emmotionally neglected in a lot of ways even though as I said he's very affectionate in other ways. It just really bothers me that even if I try to give him a kiss on the lips he turns his head or says no and kisses my cheeks instead. He's also never told me that he loves me(directly). He's insinuated it but I just really need to hear it. Am I wrong to feel these things? Is it selfish of me to want/need these things? He does so much for me and always tries to do more but when it comes to Kissing, I love you, and Holding hands it's like I'm just S.O.L This makes me feel unattractive and unloved. What can I do?
Please help??
Missy
Edited 2/16/2004 5:26:25 PM ET by missykelly

The hand holding, the stories about an ex.... sounds like he hasn't healed the baggage from past relationships, or it's a good excuse.
You are not too sensitive, IMO. Not sure I have any good advice. Sorry.
Carrie
I've been pushed away so many times when trying to kiss him or just being affectionate toward him that it's not even funny. At this point subconsciously I really don't make too many efforts to do it anymore. This bothers me because I want to give my all to him but I can't because I don't feel that my needs are being met and I'm also afraid of being rejected by him. He showers me with other types of affection which includes kissing on the face,hands and hugging but if I try to reciprocate he just won't let me most of the time. I want to talk to him about it but I don't want to seem like I'm never satisfied.
Missy
Dr Phil's book - Relationship Rescue has some quizes and some exercises to define what you need and how to say it... will he read it with you?
Carrie