What is with everyone cheating!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
What is with everyone cheating!!!!!!!!!
20
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 9:15am

I just read all of the new posts in the confessions board and alot of the other boards and it seems like everyone is having an affair or cheating on their SO. What is this? they go on and on about how they still love thier SO but then they go out and sleep with someone else b/c they need the rush it gives them. Well you know what people, grow up!! Your messing with peoples feelings here and some of you have children involved, if you are gonna go out and cheat then end the relationship before hand, don't drag someone you say you love into something like this and hope they don't find out b/c you know they will and then you'll be begging for forgivness which you DO NOT deserve.

Relationships aren't always great and perfect all the time, life kind of gets in the way and when you committed to your SO you commited to be with them through good and bad. AS much as you say you still love your SO, I really don't think you do b/c I can't see doing that to someone I love. I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and I love this man more then I ever imagined, and yeah when we first started out we had sex two to three times a day, pretty much every day of the week, but of course that didn't last forever. We still have sex 4-5 days a week and you know what...it's better then before. Before we we're in the lust faze where I couldn't get enough of him and now I still can't but we are so much more conncected and in tune with eachother. yeah sometimes i wish we did it every day like before and some weeks we do, but again life gets in the way! What we do do is always make sure to take time out for eachother..if ever the week gets to busy that we don't get to spend alot of time together, we find time. He'll call just to say hi, or we'll texted back and forth when we're at work and when we have even 2 minutes we just cuddle up with eachother. I don't even need to talk it's just the being with eachother that's enough.

I don't get why some of you people think that if your life isn't like it was when you firts started dating that it's going bad. Yeah there is excitement early on but things are suppose to change. Yeah you had excitment, but you really couldn't be yourself b/c you we're still trying to impress them. Yeah I still love going out of my way to look good for my boyfriend but now I know that he will still love me, even without make up on. I don't think there is any valid reason to cheat, if your unhappy then END IT, or you know what don't give up on it after one bad time. Even if your SO isn't treating you right, then just get out...why make yourself out to be the bad person and have an affair, especially when you have children involved.

People today just give up and don't try and one attractive person walks into your life and your all over it and you go on an on about the excitment and passion. Well you know what, think back, you probably had that with your SO early on and to some extent you still should..work harder to keep it. Yeah you may have the excitment with the person your having an affair with but eventually that would wear off too and you would get to the comfort faze again, which I don't think is a bad thing.

I'm sorry for the rant...It just pisses me off that so many people think that having an affair is the answer to everything. There is no forgivness for it no matter what, why would anyone even want to be looked at as a cheater. There are attractive people who will always go in and out of your life but that doesn't mean you act on it...if you claim to still love your SO then you would walk away before anything even go close to becoming an affair

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2006
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 12:29pm

Where is the confession board???? Also, I understand your POV. The reason people have affairs is because there is something missing in their marriage. I think that everything deserves forgiveness. However, I am NOT justifying having an affair. What I don't understand is why people cheat on their SOs. Why not just break up with them????

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 12:37pm

Can I just say:

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 12:39pm

Where is the confession board????


To answer your question -


'Fess Up! Share Your Secrets (Anonymously)


http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscheating/0,,bnmh9qsl,00.html


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 1:30pm

you put my feelings of the last 6 months into print! My b/f had a one night stand, which i didn't fidn out about for a few months after it happened

Here is what he told me: never intended for it to happen, had too much to drink, allowed himself to get into the situation and did not choose to stop it, didn't sleep/eat for weeks, couldnt tell me, etc...

want to know why he didn't break up BEFORE hand? Because he never wanted to. He never wanted another relationship with anyone else...i guess what he wanted was what she was offering because he was lonely (we are LDR), had been drinking and of course figured what I didn't know would never hurt him

This has destroyed our relationship- which was great prior to this. I know he never anticipated it would be this bad. I know he would take it all back.

I feel just like you do....how can they destroy something so good? I know in many cases, especially with affairs, that something is missing. But at my age (college) that is usually not the case..it is usally just that they get the opportunity and they can't pass it up. Its rarely an affair, just a series of one night hookups. I hope its a maturity thing because it is so prominent in college that its shocking. Over 90% are cheating, they find it almost "acceptable" - until they are caught that is.

I will not condone my bfs behavior- ever. But I am as certain as I can be at this point, that he has learned and lived a very hard lesson. He has lost my trust, my love and my respect all over a very short time with one girl he barely knew. He is trying very hard to earn them all back. Since we are young I am truly hoping this was a learning lesson and i beleive it was, but only time will tell

If anyone reading this has cheated on someone they love; i urge you to stop now. Figure out what YOU want and either end the relationship or work on your issues. The pain and destruction for both of you is really not worth the act.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2006
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 1:50pm
You took the words right out of my mouth! YOU GO GIRL!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 4:48pm

I'm sorry about you and your boyfriend...I can't imagine what you must be feeling. I started this post b/c I guess I just don't get it. I'm sick of people talking about it like it's almost a normal thing. I also hate the whole "I was drunk" excuse, I've been drunk but I and know that you act differently but I've always been aware of what I'm doing and hell if he was lonely then just pick up the phone and call you. I know i can't really speak b/c I've never been through it and i always wondered what I would do, i love my boyfriend to death and it scares me to death to think of him ever cheating on me. I don't know how I would hadle it...I can't see just kicking him out of my life and that's that b/c when you love someone it's harder then that, but like you said I would loose trust in him and it would be really hard to gain it back...if even possible.

I know people get drunk and do stupid things, but alot of people use that as an excuse to get out of everything. I don't care whether you were drunk or not your still wrong in every way possible. I think this whole issue makes people today so on alert at all times, you feel like everyone is suppose to cheat b/c it's just not possible to be with one person for the rest of your life. I feel like that's always on my mind and it drives me crazy. I myself would never cheat but everytime my boyfriend glances at another girl I think, would he like to be with her, what if she threw herself at him would he do it? and it scares me, I try to stop myself from thinking that way but it seems that's all you hear about

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 6:33pm

I'm in a long term monogamous relationship.....

But to play devil's advocate, the concept of marrying for romantic love is a relatively new thing. And I have doubts that the human race is designed to stay monogamous for 50 years or more.

As recently as 100 years ago and forever before that, people married someone they got on well with and hoped to continue getting on well with. Love didn't have anything to do with it. Women married a man who could support a family and men married a domesticated woman who could keep house and give him children. Of course, a woman staying faithful also had to do with lack of contraception. If she mothered someone else's child, she'd lose the support for her and her family and end up destitute and probably working the streets.

The thought of "I won't cheat because I LOVE him/her" wouldn't have been a consideration....it was far more practical things that kept them chaste.

Add to that mix a much shorter life span. She would possibly die in childbirth and he could die from a splinter in his finger. A couple could on average be together from as little as a year up to about, say, 10-20 years because someone would die. It's not unrealistic to stay faithful for that short amount of time.

There is also research which has shown that during the middle ages, marriages were frequently temporary. Allowing a couple to legally have sex and then move on. (sorry, can't cite my source for this because I lost the book I read it in)

All in all, given medicine's advancement and our longer life expectancy, I do think we're expecting too much with the idea of 50 years of monogamy.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 8:01am

Personally I think that's a ridiculous statement saying that it's too much to ask for us to stay together for 50+ years! Why is that too much to ask? Just like you said 100 years ago they married for different reasons...someone they got along with and could support them, not so much love. Today people marry for love and those other reason and that should be enough. If that's what you belive then don't ever get married and especially don't ever bring kids into this world. That would be self centered...say after 20 years you say "hey, I'm bored I'm gonna go sleep with someone else and end his marriage"...where does that leave your kids and what kind of person would just give up b/c they get bored and they belive that it's almost impossible to stay together longer.

My parents have been together for 36 years as have my SO parents. They are both happy and still in love. My parents have move fun together now then ever and his parents are always cuddling and kissing. I think the only reason people think the way you think is b/c divorce has become so common that it has just become a belief that well if these people can't do it...it must not be possible. The reason people can't do it...is b/c people today aren't willing to try and work things out when things go bad....they think if one bad thing happens they can just leave instead of dealing with it. They treat marriage as if it's nothing....it's just a big party and it gives you the go ahead to have kids but your not really committing to eachother. It's ridiculous that this is the way people think today...the fact that they have a reality show about ex-wives shows how things have changed. Most people just seem to be marry for love and love only..when there is alot more to it. Love is very important but you have to enjoy being with eachother, you have to have the same values and goals and beliefs. You have to see how you deal with problems together and those bad problems mean nothing as long as you have eachother. Nothings gonna be perfect all the time and it's seems that as soon as it gets hard people run.

I guess some people have different views of this and it's sad. I love my SO more then I ever thought possible and it only grows stronger as time goes by. He's my other half, we have the same goals and dreams and we just enjoy being together. You would think that after being together for a while that you would spend time apart a little more, but we enjoy doing things together and we have fun. I'm laughing non-stop with him and when things go bad and get tough we lean on eachother and that's enough b/c we know we'll get through it together..I look forward to growing old with him.

I guess I just hope everyone could feel the way I feel, but obviously things have changed

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2007
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 2:14pm

Love is not enough. I also believe that people STILL mostly marry for other reasons, besides love, whether or not they are in love. Love is not a good reason to be married on its own.

People are all different and marry for different reasons, stay together for different reasons as well as leave for different reasons.

Judging what other people do, as wrong....well, I wouldn't do it because I've never been in any of their shoes.

Every relationship involves two people. What if, just what if, your guy you feel so strongly about broke your heart and left you? What if it was the 10th guy in a row that did this to you. Would you still feel the way you do about love?

What if he grew and became a different person from the one that you thought you were with? One that doesn't meet your needs any more and even worse has no desire to understand that or do something/anything about it even though he knows? How long do you give him to change back....1 year...10 years....50 years?

Plus, I don't know that things have really changed all that much so much as maybe we just get a more realistic picture about what is really happening.

Not everyone sees this the way you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2007
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 2:55pm

Where is the confession board???? Also, I understand your POV. The reason people have affairs is because there is something missing in their marriage. I think that everything deserves forgiveness. However, I am NOT justifying having an affair. What I don't understand is why people cheat on their SOs. Why not just break up with them????


 

Pages