What is with everyone cheating!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
What is with everyone cheating!!!!!!!!!
20
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 9:15am

I just read all of the new posts in the confessions board and alot of the other boards and it seems like everyone is having an affair or cheating on their SO. What is this? they go on and on about how they still love thier SO but then they go out and sleep with someone else b/c they need the rush it gives them. Well you know what people, grow up!! Your messing with peoples feelings here and some of you have children involved, if you are gonna go out and cheat then end the relationship before hand, don't drag someone you say you love into something like this and hope they don't find out b/c you know they will and then you'll be begging for forgivness which you DO NOT deserve.

Relationships aren't always great and perfect all the time, life kind of gets in the way and when you committed to your SO you commited to be with them through good and bad. AS much as you say you still love your SO, I really don't think you do b/c I can't see doing that to someone I love. I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and I love this man more then I ever imagined, and yeah when we first started out we had sex two to three times a day, pretty much every day of the week, but of course that didn't last forever. We still have sex 4-5 days a week and you know what...it's better then before. Before we we're in the lust faze where I couldn't get enough of him and now I still can't but we are so much more conncected and in tune with eachother. yeah sometimes i wish we did it every day like before and some weeks we do, but again life gets in the way! What we do do is always make sure to take time out for eachother..if ever the week gets to busy that we don't get to spend alot of time together, we find time. He'll call just to say hi, or we'll texted back and forth when we're at work and when we have even 2 minutes we just cuddle up with eachother. I don't even need to talk it's just the being with eachother that's enough.

I don't get why some of you people think that if your life isn't like it was when you firts started dating that it's going bad. Yeah there is excitement early on but things are suppose to change. Yeah you had excitment, but you really couldn't be yourself b/c you we're still trying to impress them. Yeah I still love going out of my way to look good for my boyfriend but now I know that he will still love me, even without make up on. I don't think there is any valid reason to cheat, if your unhappy then END IT, or you know what don't give up on it after one bad time. Even if your SO isn't treating you right, then just get out...why make yourself out to be the bad person and have an affair, especially when you have children involved.

People today just give up and don't try and one attractive person walks into your life and your all over it and you go on an on about the excitment and passion. Well you know what, think back, you probably had that with your SO early on and to some extent you still should..work harder to keep it. Yeah you may have the excitment with the person your having an affair with but eventually that would wear off too and you would get to the comfort faze again, which I don't think is a bad thing.

I'm sorry for the rant...It just pisses me off that so many people think that having an affair is the answer to everything. There is no forgivness for it no matter what, why would anyone even want to be looked at as a cheater. There are attractive people who will always go in and out of your life but that doesn't mean you act on it...if you claim to still love your SO then you would walk away before anything even go close to becoming an affair

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 5:41pm
Well with everything that everyone is coming up with for reasons people cheat, it's still not right. If your that unhappy or unsure BREAK UP, LEAVE, but why make yourself the bad person in the relationship, the cheater...even if your SO treats you bad and it's all his fault your unhappy, why would anyone want to lower themselves to that level.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 6:55pm

>>Well with everything that everyone is coming up with for reasons people cheat, it's still not right.<<

No, it's not right. And I don't think anyone is trying to justify cheating.

What posters are trying to tell you is that not everyone lives in your binary world.

Other people have shades of grey in their emotions. Other people get confused and make terrible mistakes. Other people suffer from poor lack of judgement at times. Some other people have had poor upbringings and have skewed vision of what a relationship should entail. Some other people have addictions. Some other people have social skill disorders. Some other people have been sexually abused as children and have learned incorrect ways to deal with sexuality.

What the other posters are trying to express is an acceptance that not all humans are perfect.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2006
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 7:34pm
I am not justifying cheating... but...I was in a loveless, sexless marriage & if you have never been in a situation like that, you don't know what lengths that may drive you to.
I told my ex-hubby(hubby at the time) that I would cheat on him and that he couldn't even be mad at me. He didn't even flinch.
When you have a house together, kids together & your needs are not being met, you may need reassurance. An affair or even attention from another man/woman may be needed to snap you out of a funk.
Like I said - not justifying - but sometimes your SO can drive you to cheat.
JMHO
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 7:38pm

>>If that's what you belive then don't ever get married and especially don't ever bring kids into this world. That would be self centered...say after 20 years you say "hey, I'm bored I'm gonna go sleep with someone else and end his marriage"...where does that leave your kids and what kind of person would just give up b/c they get bored and they belive that it's almost impossible to stay together longer.<<

OMG, that was so rude. Pull your head in!!!

I happen to be in a long term (16 years) monogamous relationship and we have two beautiful kids. I'm faithful and so is my partner. I'm very content and I see myself staying with him forever.

Just because I believe that long term monogamy isn't entirely natural to human beings doesn't mean I'm going to go and screw around. I have choices over my actions and I CHOOSE to stay monogamous.

How about quitting with judgements and assumptions regarding people's lives you know absolutely nothing about!

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2006
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 9:45pm
CHEATIN=(EQUALS)=WRONG!!!!!! PERIOD!!! THERE SHOULDNT BE A CONSTANT DEBATE ABOUT IT! CHCEATING IS JUST NOT RIGHT! NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE !
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 11:06pm

Chill.

Nobody here has condoned cheating, nor have they said it's OK. Rather, they have expressed varying opinions on why cheating may happen.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 11:13pm

>>There is no forgivness for it no matter what<<

Don't you mean that YOU have no forgiveness? Because you certainly don't speak for me.

I would not stay with a chronic cheater, nor would I stay with a partner who had no remorse. But I WOULD forgive a spouse who cheated if they were remorseful and looking to make changes to prevent it happening again.

In short, if they learned by their mistakes, I would forgive.


Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 1:51pm

I was not insulting anyone...I'm just so fed up with hearing all of these people say they are cheating on their spouse...it's become a norm and it shouldn't be. I don't understand why it was said that it's not possible for a couple to stay together for 50+ years. If you want too it's very possible...people just aren't willing to try. As for the forgivness part..I'm a very forgiving person but my SO would have to have one hell of an excuse for cheating. Like he was soo drunk and some girl took advantage of him and he didn't even know what was happened till after the fact and even that it would be very hard for me to get over it. People today seem to use that as an excuse sometimes. They go out and get drunk and go looking for someone else and then use the fact that they were drunk as the reason they cheated.

I'm not saying that everyone should pretend to be happy and stay with their SO no matter what..I'm saying that the people who do it b/c they are just bored and want something new and exciting. They don't even try to fix what they have.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 7:30pm

the thing is, there's no point getting bent out of shape about what other people are doing. We can't change what others do....all we can do is live our own lives the best we can. And try and make a wise choice as to what partner we choose.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 8:11pm
Loyalty is key.. i hate cheaters.

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