What is fair in a marriage??

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
What is fair in a marriage??
5
Wed, 03-05-2008 - 12:26pm

I am a daily member on another board, but I am so confused and depressed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 03-05-2008 - 12:36pm

Welcome to the board madison1966,


No you are not being unreasonable. He is controlling you by not allowing you to have a job and then not giving you access to money. I would suggest that you get some individual counseling and find the courage the leave him once and for all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2004
Wed, 03-05-2008 - 12:54pm

WOW.....Mam, if I were you, I would be out of that relationship. Sorry to be blunt, and by no means is my opinion conclusive of anything, but I would not have gone back after the whole prostitute thing. I know how hard it is when you become a "team" and you depend on that person, but sometimes others like your dependence because it is a form of control. This really seems like a hostage situation. Restraining orders? Manipulation of your parents? It has to stop my friend. Talk to somebody professional like the good doctor suggested. You will regain the strength and clarity to make sound, life improving and impacting decisions. Remember, nobody can make you feel inferior but yourself (Eleanor Roosevelt).

Hope this helps.

RG

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 03-05-2008 - 1:19pm

Welcome to the board madison1966,


You are being held hostage, at least emotionally and the situation is emotionally abusive also.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Wed, 03-05-2008 - 1:32pm

Hi there madison.


Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 10:25am

You are not unreasonable. It sounds as though your husband may have some kind of sex addiction, but whatever is going on, certainly it is not acceptable in a marriage. He is lying and also cheating you. No, at this point you cannot trust him, but do not blame yourself for this. Part of your depression may have risen from the feeling that it was your fault. He blames you, that you do not support him, and this is part of a pattern with men who abuse in this way...they blame their partners for it.


Financially speaking, you need to see a lawyer. You have legal rights here, especially with a long marriage, and the money he has also belongs, in part, to you. Don't turn yourself into a victim. Take responsibility for your life and well being. Get proper legal support and guidance and also get yourself a good therapist and start to dig out of this mess. It is understandable that you would feel frightened and shocked, but reality is knocking on your door. The more he behaves this way and then blames you for it, the worse you will feel. Get help now before you go back into a sense of worthlessness and depression. Realize that his behavior arises from his own addictions and problems, it has nothing to do with you. Now you must take care of your own life and get the help you desperately need to make healthy choices for yourself.


All good wishes,