What happend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2007
What happend?
3
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 1:44pm
Hi, my name is ashley and i'm 20 years old and married to the love of my life bj. We started dating in january of 2006 and got married in september 2006 and while dating had the perfect realtionship. We agreed on everything and could be ourselves with eachother completley. We couldn't wait to start spending our lives together. We got married and autimatically the sex started to dwindle and we only had sex 2 0r 3 times a week if that ( When dating we had sex daily and multple times daily).We couldn't really talk to each other either and we argue alot. When dating we didn't have one argument. Some of our little arguments i feel like just could be age difference since we are 6 years apart. We are so much alike deep inside and we really love each other so i don't see what the problem is. I want him to want me and talk to me like he use to. Any advice would really be appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: ash_n_bj
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 2:00pm

Hi ash.n.bj and welcome to the board,


Will he go to marriage counseling with you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
In reply to: ash_n_bj
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 10:40am

The first 3-9 months of a relationship are 'infatuation'; your attention for me makes me feel great about me, to paraphrase an old poster. Now, you're married and it's real life; it takes a lot more work to keep a relationship together once the infatuation has died down. Marriage counseling could be beneficial in giving you the tools you need to communicate better.

Best of luck.

Coolas

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ash_n_bj
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 11:07am

Sometimes when a couple marries they begin re-living patterns from their own family, unconsciously copying the role models their parents were. Other times they feel a bit confined and trapped once the vows have been taken. This can cause some irritation and chafing at the bit. It's good to give each other space and let them know that now that you are married it doesn't mean you possess one another and can still go on living and growing and having fun. Look and see if the two of you are repeating family patterns, or are not fully communicating about issues and feelings as they come up. Set aside time to talk with each other openly and honestly, without criticism, trying to really listen and give the other what they need and want. This kind of quality time is important and will help in many ways.


If the bickering becomes too much or too constant I suggest you get some outside help in sorting things through. There are many fine marrige counselors and therapists.


Best wishes,