what happened?
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what happened?
| Sun, 02-29-2004 - 11:42am |
I have been dating a great guy for a few months.
Seeing each other every weekend, starting on Sat. with museums to dinner to concerts to after concert dinners to brunch the following am. He has taken me back to his old neighborhood and met people in his life,(although not family)
He has been very intimate both emotionally and physically.
Using pet names etc. very kind and considerate of my feelings.
I am typically very cautious in a relationship initially because of the rejection factor and getting hurt.
I had gotten over that because I felt I could trust him with my feelings.
Well this weekend I suggested we have dinner at my house and then a movie.
Seeing each other every weekend, starting on Sat. with museums to dinner to concerts to after concert dinners to brunch the following am. He has taken me back to his old neighborhood and met people in his life,(although not family)
He has been very intimate both emotionally and physically.
Using pet names etc. very kind and considerate of my feelings.
I am typically very cautious in a relationship initially because of the rejection factor and getting hurt.
I had gotten over that because I felt I could trust him with my feelings.
Well this weekend I suggested we have dinner at my house and then a movie.
After we finished eating he said he needed to talk with me.
That he is getting the impression that I want more from the relationship then he does (or something to that affect)
I said I did want a relationship that was working toward something -
He indicated that he wanted us to see each other with keeping in mind that we would not be exclusive.
I said I couldn't do that -
And that althougth I would miss him and would be sad for a long tim, I couldnt' agree to that kind of relationship and said good bye.
He said he was really surprised that was he said would lead to something that extreme etc. and that he hoped I found someone soon.
What the heck happened?

It sounds like you knew your boundaries with respect to what you want in a relationship and acted in congruance with them...good for you!
I have no choice but to be true to my feelings nor am I ashamed to express how I feel.
But what happened tho, how can a relationship or a guy back off like this so abruptly?
(I got an e mail from him the next day that said he hoped he made it clear that there wasn't or isn't anyone else .... ( so what, he still is proposing a relationship that isn't acceptable to me)
Well, it could be any number of things.
But had you spoken about having a relationship? Did he ever lead you to believe that he wanted to be exclusive?
It sounds like you both communicated about your needs and found that although you get a long well you aren't a match and want different things.
We had the "I like you alot - I want you to be my Valentine discussion - perhaps I just read into this to mean exclusive.
I did not think he was the type of person who would express emotional intimacy and yet want an open relationship,
but thanks for the reply.