what have I done?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2007
what have I done?!
8
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 2:55pm
Thanks for everyone's reply


Edited 6/27/2007 12:40 pm ET by flyby10
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 4:04pm

This is certainly a difficult sitution for you. As you opened the door to this, he must feel that it's fine and in fact he wants you to join him. I don't think he'll get involved without your being present. However, the basis of all relationships is trust. You simply have to trust him. Talk it over. Make sure he knows that you don't find it acceptable for him to have sex with men, in general. Let him know that the entire situation is making you insecure. See what he says. I have no way of knowing if ultimately he will prefer men to women, and neither do you. You have see where things go and how they are between the two of you, and of course make sure that there is on-going communication and that you can trust what he says. If you can't trust each other, then the entire basis of the relationship is flawed.


Take care,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 5:24pm

Welcome to the board flyby10,


In my opinion, a straight man would not experiment sexually with another man. I can tell you for 100% that my DH would never no matter how much I wanted it. It just wouldn't happen.

Coltaramyspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 6:11pm

Flyby, I think what oyveymaria was trying to say is:

At this point, it's probably a good idea to tell your boyfriend that you're not comfortable with the whole 3some thing. That while you felt it was a good idea at the time, hindsight has made you realise that you're not into that type of sex. And also ask that fantasies around this not be discussed either.

I do realise he's excited about the prospect of further experimenting with a new discovery, but if he respects you, he will let it go.

Commonsense dictates that before trying something like this, you would have set some groud rules? For example, if one of you wasn't comfortable, you'd agree to stop no questions asked. Or if someone found a new romantic attachment, you'd have agreed to work through this. It's time to pull those rules into play.

Lastly (and you're not going to want to hear this), I agree with the sentiment that 100% straight guys don't experiment with other guys. I've dated quite a number of men over the years and while they've all had the 'girl on girl' fantasy, none have ever remotely desired to be with another man. Though, I will add the disclaimer that there are exceptions to every rule :-)

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 8:50pm

hi flyby,

Have there ever been any other signs that he was interested in men?

I'm sure its very upsetting to think about losing him if he realizes that he is bi/gay, but at least you'll have known now instead of after marriage with kids.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:39am

eeeew!.. but i agree with coltara, any "Straight" man would NEVER do a threesome with another man! thats very odd. & i also agree with flyby.. at least you will find out now if he is gay/bi before marriage & children. goodluck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 9:01am
You have posted a perfect example of why some things are better off left as fantasy and not reality.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 9:08am
One thing to consider, just because someone is BI doesn't mean that they cannot be monogamous. I've been happily married for 13 years and I've never thought of straying, never thought of having threesomes or anything like that, my connection with my wife is very deep and solid. Yeah, I like to look at a well setup man but that's the limit of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 12:30pm
So do you think that applies to girls too? I experimented with a girl just for fun, enjoyed it at the time but I am most definitely straight. I know LOTS of straight girls who have experimented with other girls.
I just don't think it's as cut and dry as you say.

 

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