What is he doing?
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| Tue, 09-14-2004 - 10:34pm |
I mean you would think a guy who's "not ready for a relationship" would only see you part-time and spend the rest of his time with other girls but this guy sees me EVERY day and when he can't see me or I can't see him he spends all his time on the phone with me throughout the day and up until its time to go to sleep at one in the morning.
I THOUGHT the "I'm not ready for a relationship" thing is really him wanting to keep his options open. but the thing is he HAS options that through my own sleuthing I've discovered but he doesn't ACT on any of them. I even tried to break up with him. I actually gave him a way out so he COULD see other girls: I told him I wanted us to spend less time together because I didn't want to get hurt and think we have something more than we do. but he has continued to call me every single day and come over to spend every single night with me after work. Not only that but we don't even have sex that much Last night he got off work late and I couldn't invite him over so he asked me if we could take a walk together... just a walk for an hour so he could see me. And we did. This is oviously not a sex thing for him as he has been with me for over 8 mos. and there's been periods of three week intervals were he'll still come over to spend the night and just chill with me holding hands and we don't have sex. you'd think that would be the time when he would be with someone else but he's not.
So if you were thinking of telling me its all about sex its not. Furthermore he's gorgeous and he gets a lot of attention from girls all the time so its not like he NEEDS a steady "Friend with benefits" to take care of his needs. He also says he misses me when we're not together tells people about me and his family has met me numerous times inluding cousins and grandmothers.
Doesn't this behavior seem like a guy who's really into me??? And why would he "waste his time" with me like this if he really thought there was something better out there? can someone please explain to me once and for all why he doesn't just take the plunge and call me his girl already???

Pianoguy is a little upset with you this morning.
YOU write about your situation, but start telling US what NOT to say, what issues to address...or how we should express an opinion. WHY bother posting here in the first place if you don't want some sort of input?
My best guess is that while your b/f MIGHT LIKE YOU A LOT...YOUR ATTITUDE probably scares the hell out of him? This is why he won't 'go public' and proclaim you as his g/f!
Pianoguy
<<<I've been dating him without a committment for over 8 mos. and he's told me he doesn't want a relationship. I have no problem with that>>>> ummm, no, it sounds like you DO have a problem with that. *this* is the *relationship* that HE wants. doesn't matter WHY, doesn't matter what YOU think or what YOU want (I mean, it DOES matter, but you have chosen this life in which it DOESN'T matter), the point is that he is calling the shots and you are leting him.
and let me assure you - that if *he* wants to be sleeping with other woman - HE IS. you can't keep tabs on him 24/7 (even if you think you are).
I met my love while I was studying for the bar exam this summer. It started out as a fling. We had sex very early on and he told me he didn't want a girlfriend. Keep in mind I was cheating on my boyfriend at this time who I was still living with but no longer in love with. I told my lover I had a boyfriend and for a while he accepted it but soon he became upset about what I was doing. So.....I lied and told him I broke it off. I wasn't ready to give up my boyfriend of 4 yrs. for someone who didn't want to get serious with me!
I told him at one point i couldn't continue seeing him because he wasn't willing to commit and we tentatively agreed to try and be boyfriend and girlfriend.
The problem was he still didn't know I was techinically with my boyfriend. I know I was being selfish and untruthful and that's what hurts. I BLEW IT! Little lies started to slip out. Things I said that didn't ring true with things I had told him before, phone calls I took outside of the bedroom and acted nervous about! He ended it with me last week, told me he didn't know how to trust me and was afraid he would get hurt.
The thing is I would have ended it with my boyfriend if he had given me a safe place to fall. I just never felt like he wanted me 100% and I don't know if thats because he sensed I was lying or because he didn't like me enough.
Simone
..........
I was talking to the guy I've been dating for almost last night and I had another one of my panic attacks where his cell phone rang late at night and I told myself I need to leave him before he dumps me for someone else. ..... Sometimes he tells me, but that's only part of the issue. The problem was what was said last night.
.... However I know it was his EX calling him last night as she does every week because he has a special ring tone for her He told me she is leaving the country soon permanently so I have nothing to worry about, but here's the thing:
I asked him point blank if he still had feelings for her and he said he still "liked her"! I asked him if he wanted to get back with her and he said "no." I asked him if he wanted to see her and he said "yes." ..... he's told me point blank he's not stringing me along, but its been 7 mos and he still says he doesn't want to commit because he doesn't want a girlfriend I should also mention these were all failed relationships with cheating on both sides, but then why treat me like a girlfriend?
This relationship doesn't have a lot of promise does it?
Because he wants the benefits of a relationship, BUT NOT the label and committment of what that label (gf) would entail.
Carrie