What is He Telling Me???

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
What is He Telling Me???
3
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 2:11pm
I have been in a long distance relatioship for 8 months now. He currently lives in Canada and I live in Indiana. He came down for Christmas and we had a great one!!! But, he told me that he loves me, very deeply, but thinks there is something missing. He is not sure what it is, but would like the time and space to figure it out. He did elude to the fact that he might want to go out with another, but is not sure. He said he did not want to be disrespectful to me, if he did go out while still with me. We have been through a lot together over the past 8 months...we talk on the phone nightly, see each other at least 2 x a month. He believes that we are meant to be with each other, as I do too. My son graduates from HS in 4 months, at that time I am willing to go where my boyfriend is, and he knows that. I am trying to understand what is going on, but it's very hard. He says I have done more for him than anyone ever has in his whole life, he sometimes talks about not being deserving etc.... I asked what I should be expecting during this, and one thing he said not talking to each other every day, and he would wonder what I was doing. Well we have talked every day!!!! So I'm very confused on the whole idea of this situation. Any comments, suggestions, insight???? I would greatly appreciate it....
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 2:36pm
He's not sure he's ready for the responsibility of you moving to be with him, for him to be in a full-time committed relationship. He wants to keep his options open - ie. his comment about dating others.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope things work out for you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 3:00pm
It sounds like to me that he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He basically said that he wants to date someone else but in the same breath he wants to still talk to you everyday to see what you are doing. That's just his way of trying to keep an eye on you -if that's even possible considering the distance between you two.

I say step back (as hard as it might be) - give him enough room to grow or hang himself and see what happens. Perhaps he will have a complete change of heart once you two are living in the same city.

Good luck...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 4:22pm
Here's my take on the situation, based on my own experiences. He thinks you're great and enjoys being with you. But when you *truly* meet someone who IS the right person for you, you *don't* feel like something is missing. What that means IMO is that he feels that you are not completely the one for him, but you're so close that he's debating whether or not to settle. If he indeed is eluding to dating others, that means he wants to keep on looking (in hopes of finding someone where he doesn't feel anything is missing), and might even want to keep you on the line (back burner) in case that other person doesn't turn up. Bottom line: It's settling. If you feel that something is missing with a person -- it is. *What* it is doesn't really matter. Do you want to be someone who is settled for? Do you want to settle yourself? That's what you'd be doing to stay with a person who feels something is missing in a relationship with you. I think you should pay attention to this red flag and not move to another country to be with him just yet. He's being honest with you. It's up to YOU to listen to what he's saying and believe him (except when he says he believes you're the one for him -- you can't proclaim that AND there's something missing at the same time. That's talking out of both sides of your mouth). That's my 2¢. Good luck.