what if I am the controlling one?
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what if I am the controlling one?
| Tue, 08-17-2004 - 7:51am |
ok, i know relationships go 2 ways. I know it's not always my fault. This time I think it is. I've been dating this guy for an extended amount of time and things have been going the best ever for me and him. This wonderful man treats me right, is smart, funny, crazy about me, and he tells me he loves me. Great! Right? Well yesterday we got into our first fight and I think I'm to blame. he says he's not as independent as he used to be and that i don't listen to him when he tells me he wants to do things on his own. he feels trapped by me. I know this is a type of controlling behavior that i posess. I know this is why other relationships haven't gone well. I also know that I learned it from my mother. She is a very controlling person and would never let my dad have a word in. Poor Dad would sit there like a hurt puppy while she walked all over him and made most of the family decisions. The last thing i want to do is loose my man and act like my mother. I try so very hard not to but it's almost like an instinctive behavior and sometimes i don't even realize i'm doing it - and when i say controlling, it's little things...I am not beating the poor guy up and telling him he can't go out with his friends.
I asked him to please tell me when I start to do this but he said he's tired of trying to tell me b/c i make him feel guilty or get mad at him. He says he doesn't want me to change for him but i think if i change for the better it's good.
So how do i stop this behavior?
Please help. I want this relationship to go right this time.
I asked him to please tell me when I start to do this but he said he's tired of trying to tell me b/c i make him feel guilty or get mad at him. He says he doesn't want me to change for him but i think if i change for the better it's good.
So how do i stop this behavior?
Please help. I want this relationship to go right this time.

What's wrong with remembering all your mom's mistakes with your Dad...AND DOING THE EXACT OPPOSITE? Think how miserable your Dad was...and how this misery is affecting your current relationship!
Pianoguy isn't suggesting that you become a slave or subservient to the man you're currently seeing. However, there's something you NEED to understand! There are very few of us who will take a lot of verbal crap from a woman. Suggestions are okay, but demands and threats will make us sick of you! . And it's easier for us to break off the relationship than be "bullied!"
Sooooo...
If you're going to continue to ignore the signs that you're becoming "a control freak"---you'll probably be spending a lot of weekends (or at least saturday nights) with the girls! Is THIS what YOU want?
Pianoguy
Control freaks aren't happy people (take it from me), and what you'll find is that, as you are able to let go of your control, you'll start to feel less stress, you'll enjoy life more and more. It won't be easy, and at first you may feel you are giving up TOO much control, but stick with it. You'll feel better about yourself, you'll enjoy everything more, and you'll be treating people in a way that will make them happy. Good luck with it.