What if I am done?
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What if I am done?
| Wed, 03-21-2007 - 10:42pm |
I have posted here before about my dh and his anger management issues. We have been to counseling for the last 6 months. He is trying very hard to change, but he still does not see me as my own person seperate from him with my own hopes, fears and feelings. And he still occasionally gets into petty arguments with the kids and yells at the them.
What if I don't want to be married. I want to stay home with my two young children but I don't want to be married to this person. What if I never feel the way I did when I believed I loved him?

Hi memphis and welcome back.
When you're done, you're done.
'What if I don't want to be married. I want to stay home with my two young children but I don't want to be married to this person. What if I never feel the way I did when I believed I loved him?'
i think you should be cl of the should i stay or go board, not the relaitonship saver. you can argue all of the cases for why they should go. did you offer anything to help her save her relationship or only feed the part of her that is unsure if she can save it? please think about that. try reading the 'the proper care and feeding of a marriage books.
Hi nonmanhater,
Here is all of memphis01's older posts.....
Now What
Reading too much into a childs words?
How long to I stay here?
My Story...My Struggle
Hopefully, her posts will give you a better idea of what she's been going through.
actually, if feel even more resolved with my comment to you about what you tell people.
aren't you supposed to be trying to help them instead of trying to help them with leaving? i mean that's why i think you may be better suited to that board where people need your encouragement to end their marriages. sometimes they need that, but probably not when they come here for help.
sorry itwinflam....i see it even more clearly now, thanks to your links. maybe this will give you a better idea of how i see this:
amy’s comments from her posts that seem to have been ignored:
1.How do I hang in there when the light at the end of tunnel is so far away?
2.Although I believe prayer has helped me get through the tough times, I just want to have a strong feeling of whether to hang in there or not.
3.Am I way too sensitive because I still feel that our marriage problems are unresolved?
Helpful:
Dr’s comments (note, she does not encourage her to end her marriage with her help:
‘Well, clearly your child is expressing her feelings about families and relationships to you. It is deeply disturbing to children to feel as if one parent is abusing another. Not only does it frighten them, but presents a bad role model about relationships, love and family.
It's one thing to "show up" for therapy, it's another to being really committed to working issues out. It's important for you to see real progress here, to see that this abuse is ending. It's one thing to fight, (that is normal), it's another for a fight to turn into an opportunity to abuse another. Be aware of which is which. Do not accept any abuse at all from him, not only for your own sake but also for the sake of your child. The more you respect yourself, the healthier and happier all around you will be.’
Spiceman:
She needs to know that a Daddy is still very important and loves his children.
Encouragement to end her marriage:
itwinflame (only encouragement to leave her marriage):
1.You need to protect you and your children at all costs, even if that means leaving again.
2. When you're done, you're done. It can be anxiety producing or a relief on some level.
Others:
1.Get your children away from him until his anger is under control completely. You have a responsibility for their safety and well being.
2.The problem is that the more you resist providing an environment of peace and quiet, the more apt they are to assume it's because of them--because that's what children do.
no offense, but aren't you suppose to help her save her marriage instead of trying to get her to end it?
nonmanhater (I wonder if you are a man),
If you reread all the other posts, you will see that cl-itwinflame was not the only person to suggest she leave her husband. I suggested it myself and some other posters didn't come out and directly say it, but did imply it.
While this is the relationship saver board, there are just some relationships that can't/shouldn't be saved. Especially ones that are abusive and where children are being put in danger. I don't think anyone in their best conscious could advise someone to stay in an abusive relationship.
I love that the board has members with different opinions and advice, but is seems like you are just trying to start drama.
glitter-graphics.com
CL-clara19811( that is so so funny, because i wondered if you were a man too). and u think im starting drama?
my opinion is that it isn't your call when someone else should leave thier relationship if they arent asking you that.
feel free to continue encouranging who every you want to leave thier marriages and relationships.
everyone is free to express their opinions, right? mine is that isn't the help people r looking 4 when they come here.
'I love that the board has members with different opinions and advice, but is seems like you are just trying to start drama.'
are u sure you want a different opinion? doesn't seem like it. i'm not starting drama, but expressing my opinion about how we should be 'helping people'. i think it is by helping them save thier relationship and yours is by helping them end it. its all good.
did u come here looking for encouragement to leave your husband and your marriage again?
if so, I won't post.
did you come here to find ways to help improve or save your marriage?
if so, there are lots of things you can do to help your situation. lots.
let me know which it is, k?
Actually no I am not a man. If you are a regular on the board, you would know that
glitter-graphics.com
nonmanhater,
Really, I'm not sure why the question, if you look at the title of this thread, I think it says it all.
'maybe you'd like to share those specific suggestions with her and help her save and improve her abusive marriage instead of spending time criticizing the input of others?'
how is your post any different than mine? you criticized my input and offerered her nothing. dont mean to be difficult - i just dont see it.
i ask the question because it seems i mistook the purpose of this board. it seems that everyone wants to tell her to divorce her husband. i thought we were supposted to help. i like helping, so that is why i asked her if she wants help with her relationship or as everyone else but me seems to think that she came here to get help in leaving her husband again.
i guess i was wrong to offer my opinion? it feels like it. i will leave this board back to everyone else that has nothing to offer but this:
'I don't have any kind of suggestions for the OP other than she should probably leave her abusive marriage '
it seems you are not alone. i will leave this board to the people that share your opinion. sorry to have bothered anyone. is it the yelling at the kids on occation or the occational dispute with his kids that you see as abusive now that he's gone for help.
seems everyone is much quicker to say end it than i would be. obviously my opinion isn't welcome here so I wont come her any more. sorry again.
bye.
Edited 3/22/2007 7:42 pm ET by nonmanhater