What if your soul mate isn't your husban
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| Thu, 08-23-2007 - 8:10pm |
I met a man almost 4 years ago (about the time I met my husband). We had an instant connection. The earth and time could stand still when I'm next to him and I wouldn't even notice. It's always been bad timing for us. But, we can go 6 months without talking and as soon as we do, we have an amazing connection. We can talk about everything, we have so much in common and it's so easy. We've discussed being together, but nothing has ever happened.
My husband and I have a toxic relationship and it's been that way from day 1. Last year I left him, but couldn't get far enough away. He sucks the life right out of me. As unhappy as I am with him, he's got a grip on me. He's had a terrible childhood and I feel responsible for his happiness in some ways. However, now we have a 6 month old son. Sadly, if it weren't for my son, I would say I wish I never met him.
So, there are a couple of issues going on here. I want to get out of my marriage not because of another man, but because I know there is more to life and love. Could this man really be my soul mate?

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My husband would always pretend everything was okay no matter what he did. And I of course was the one making waves because there was no way in hell things were okay. We just told the kids last week that we're going to get a divorce. We're actually getting along and keeping the peace for the sake of the kids as well as respecting that at one time we had something that meant somehting to us - it just turned ugly.
No point in dragging out the misery once you decide to move on. Not having sex helps to break the cnnection and let's face it - he's dependent on you to make his world okay and nobody can live up to that kind of pressure.
I corrected the name of the book I recommended on the other post - it's The Verbally Abusive Man - Can He Change. There are very subtle nuances to being verbally and emotionally abused (to me toxic is abusive) that so thoroughly undermine your sense of self by the time you realize what happened you don't even know yourself anymore.
Stay strong!
I'm not sure if I would say he's emotionally or verbally abusive? He rants, raves, curses in my direction but it's never really directed at me...he says I need a thicker skin. And emotionally, I'm not sure either. He's just such a "heavy" person to be around. I literally feel drained after an argument or disagreement or if he's just in a bad mood.
I hope he can be civil for our son's sake. Good luck to you too! Again, thanks for your thoughts.
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