What ""If's", is driving me crazy..
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| Thu, 11-20-2003 - 3:55am |
I wasent sure where to post this so I just picked a random board...I've been living with my boyfriend for aprox. a year now, we have been together for 3 years. About 2 years ago an old guy friend came back into the picture that I've known for about 10 years, but lost contact here and there, but recently we have become good friends and talk and see eachother on a regular basis, and no there is no romantic relationship between us, its just a friends thing, not that we didnt want anything more, but the timing has always been off, he was married and I was in another 7 year relationship...
Anyway..what I'am getting at is, I started having feelings for him, and we have talked about thoughs feeling, but have never acted on them because again the timing is never right, and most importantly I have a boyfriend, and there is nothing wrong with our relationship, but I cant help but have these feeling for my friend, and just dont know if I should act on them or just leave it alone. I dont know if this is just " Lust " on my part or if this could possibly be something more then that...I hate feeling what I'am feeling, and its so hard to just walk away from them and him, because I will always wonder, what IF I had taken that leap of faith....I honestly couldnt tell you if he feels as strongly as I do, BUT i do know he has some feeling for me, but maybe its also just
" Lust " on his part, I cant tell....I think there are moments when he wants to tell me how he feels, but doesnt because he doesnt want to interfer with my current relationship. Man, this all is to confusing to me...what do I do!! But what I do know for sure, is that I want to end this what IF's...should I just walk away or should I take a chance...

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You have to know what you want. If you are unhappy in your current relationship then leave. If you are happy with the relationship, then it's time to end the other one before you do something you'll regret.
If you feel like you will always wonder *what if* with the other guy, then you need to break up with your current boyfriend BEFORE you explore that option.
Good luck on your decision.
Carrie
And yes, I agree with you a 100% regarding if the rolls were reversed, I wouldnt like it. But I'm not married and I have no kids, and I havent cheated, its been strictly a friendship only. What you have to remember is that, we have been friends for aprox. 8 years, so he was in the picture before even my current boyfriend. BUT I so understand when you say " Im carrying a torch for my friend ", yes, I believe Iam as well, and thats what scared me...
My friend and I have before decided to distance eachother from one another, but evertime we do, we somehow always come back together, and we dont even run in the same circle of friends either. We either see eachother at the most oddest places..example: Lane Bryant (a women store) where you wouldnt never think to run into a male friend, then there is Ross Dept. store ( about 5 in our area), ummm then theres the movies ( about 12 theaters in our area), it goes on and on...I can run, but I cant seem to hide.
Oh and BTW...I NEVER discuss my relationship to him, or vent about any issues I may have in my realtionship, which is almost none. In fact, I always praise my boyfriend to him on what a great guy he is...
But again...you are so right when you say that there are too many emotional feeling between us, and we keep building on that too, and it scares me more and more as time goes by...I dont want to hurt anyone, but at the sametime, you always wonder, what " IF " I had taken that leap of faith...Gawd, I hate this damm situation...
Good luck to you.
Carrie
I know you dont know him....BUT why doesnt he just tell me how he feels about me? Why does he only hint... I KNOW he has feeling for me, I can feel it when we are together in a room, I can tell by the way he looks at me when I'am not looking or when there is eye contact, I can feel it. This may be alittle deep, but I can feel his emotions for me. When we look at eachother, its like we have created our own world and theres just us in it. We understand eachother on every element.We have 8 years of emotions invested in our "friendship". I know everything about him, but yet cant figure him out when it comes to me. :o/
All I know is that, he said, he doesnt want to be the reason why I may eventually leave my boyfriend, he wants that to be by my own choice.
Two, he probably doesn't want to be vulnerable to you in that way yet. Espeically since you are in a relationship already.
Just guesses on my part.
Carrie
Well last Saturday I had alittle get together at my house, while my bf went to a concert with some of his friends. I had a several friends over and one of them was the OM. Like I said in previous posts, we have never ever been physical with one another besides from a hug here and there, there has never been anything more... Well that same evening he decided to give me a kiss in the kitchen, It was an innocent kiss, but to me it meant everything of course, considering its been years in waiting, and no, nobody else saw it happened..meaning my other friends that were there that night. He said he kissed me because, I put him on the spot by telling him earlier that week that he would was to shy to ever make any moves on me..so he felt like he has to prove it to me. :o/ So basically he's telling me that I put him up to the challenge, which I honestly didn't think he would actually take me serious, considering we've been friends for so many years, we've always joked around about things in that nature...
Anyhow, he called me the next day, and asked me if I was surprised that he kissed me, and I said, no not really. What surprised me more was that he did it in the environment we were in, with all my friends there, he laughed alittle, and that's was the last we talked about it. So, the next few days go by, and he calls me again, and treats me like his personal counselor regarding his situation about his separation from his wife, and that he's thinking about working it out with her, but just isn't sure if he's doing the right thing :o/. So needless to say, I got pissed off, and FINALLY told him how I really felt about the possibility of us, and how I was sick of him using me emotionally and playing games with my feelings, considering I also have a bf, and his advances towards me is effecting my relationship with my bf ,and that I am not just a doormat for him to unload all his issues on. I told him that he's needs to start talking to his wife more about his feelings, instead of me. I cried alittle in between ( which I have never done before ), and told him that I have feelings too, and he needs to stop using me to boost his ego, so he can make sure he still has game with the ladies, incase he doesn't get back together with his wife. He didn't have much to say during my emotional plea to have him stop playing games with me, he just said, he was very sorry if he has caused any problems in my relationship and if I hurt you in any way, but I just have to many problems myself to fix, and I don't want to bring them to you (meaning if we ever tried to have a relationship). So I just told him that maybe one day he can have the same feelings I have for him, and he said, maybe I can, but I'm to F'ed up right now, to have any feeling for anyone, and again I don't want to bring my issues into a relationship with you.I want a clear head, and then he asked me if I was ending our friendship ( which he sounded like he was about to cry asking me that)and he also said, that I have no idea what I mean to him...honestly to me it was all BLAH BLAH BLAH. I just told him that I needed sometime away from him, and he said ok.
So there you have it...what do you think? Thanks for reading!!
Well, I honestly think that you have put yourself and your relationship into a terrible situation.
James
janderson_ny@yahoo.com
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Looks like you have it all figured out from the sounds of it...Funny thing is that, you have no idea what my relationship with my bf consists of, so how would you know if what you are saying is correct. That's right, you dont really. I wasent asking for your advice reagarding my bf, I was asking if I did the right thing by cutting my friendship off with my friend that I have been friends with for 9+ years. I'm very sorry that we dont all live in a perfect world, such as yours..:)
You are running around asking if you should "go for it" with a guy you are having a torch for who is married while your boyfriend is completely unaware that you are attracted to the guy and considering having an affair with him.
James
janderson_ny@yahoo.com
CL Ask A Guy
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