What now?
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What now?
| Fri, 07-30-2004 - 1:01am |
I tried to condense this and tell all of the important stuff.
My boyfriend and I started dating about a year and a half ago. Because I was just coming off of a 4 year relationship I took it really slow at the beginning. He wanted to take it slow in the beginning, too. In fact, he told me he was thinking about breaking things off with me because he thought I was more serious about the relationship than he was. While we were still casually dating, I went on a date with another guy. At the time I thought it was wrong, but we hadn't discussed any sort of comittment or agreement to be exclusive. That same week he told me he loved me, two weeks later, I told him I loved him.... all was wonderful. In December he found out a little bit about this date, and when he asked me about it I lied at first, but eventually I told him everything. This sparked a rash of jealousy from him. Come to find out, he had always had a jealous streak in him. He said he used to drive by my house to make sure I was where I told him I would be, and he always seemed to be picking through my stories, but after he found out about that date, he was constantly accusing me of the most ridiculous things. He heard one of my girlfriends in the background when I was on the phone once and he convinced himself that it was a guy. He saw me walk out of a bar with my girlfriends (on girls night out), and he thought the guy that walked out after us was with me.
They are just absurd accusations, but it frustrates me so much because I keep thinking that if I just told him once more that I didn't do what he is accusing me of he would believe me.
Now, he has decided to break up with me. The idea of breaking up spawned from one of his absurd accusations. I got so mad that i said, "If you don't believe me, then maybe we should take some time off for you to figure out why." I never, in a million years thought he'd say okay, but he did. Then, on top of it all, he decided that maybe some of the reason he wants to break up is because he doesn't know what else is out there. (He's 24 and I'm his first real girlfriend) He even told me that he didn't think he could, or wanted, to get married until he has seen other girls.
My boyfriend and I started dating about a year and a half ago. Because I was just coming off of a 4 year relationship I took it really slow at the beginning. He wanted to take it slow in the beginning, too. In fact, he told me he was thinking about breaking things off with me because he thought I was more serious about the relationship than he was. While we were still casually dating, I went on a date with another guy. At the time I thought it was wrong, but we hadn't discussed any sort of comittment or agreement to be exclusive. That same week he told me he loved me, two weeks later, I told him I loved him.... all was wonderful. In December he found out a little bit about this date, and when he asked me about it I lied at first, but eventually I told him everything. This sparked a rash of jealousy from him. Come to find out, he had always had a jealous streak in him. He said he used to drive by my house to make sure I was where I told him I would be, and he always seemed to be picking through my stories, but after he found out about that date, he was constantly accusing me of the most ridiculous things. He heard one of my girlfriends in the background when I was on the phone once and he convinced himself that it was a guy. He saw me walk out of a bar with my girlfriends (on girls night out), and he thought the guy that walked out after us was with me.
They are just absurd accusations, but it frustrates me so much because I keep thinking that if I just told him once more that I didn't do what he is accusing me of he would believe me.
Now, he has decided to break up with me. The idea of breaking up spawned from one of his absurd accusations. I got so mad that i said, "If you don't believe me, then maybe we should take some time off for you to figure out why." I never, in a million years thought he'd say okay, but he did. Then, on top of it all, he decided that maybe some of the reason he wants to break up is because he doesn't know what else is out there. (He's 24 and I'm his first real girlfriend) He even told me that he didn't think he could, or wanted, to get married until he has seen other girls.
Since then, we've seen eachother twice. The last time he made it sound like he is almost ready to get back together. He said he almost believes that I didn't do anything that he accused me of, and that he thought maybe he didn't really need to see any other girls. He is still telling me he loves me. He is a really really great guy. I could write for forever about how wonderful he is and how wonderful we were together. I was really shocked by this breakup. He's been the one talking about getting married.
My questions are:
Was I wrong? Am I to blame for our break up?
What do I do now?
Do I answer the phone when he calls?
What if he wants to get back together?

huge huge huge red flags here! this guy shows classic signs of an abuser. you RUN don't walk away from him. and you RUN to a therapist and get help for yourself. i have been thru two abusive relationships, and thank God i finally got help for myself.
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this is the first red flag. he is checking up on you, that is a sign of a VERY controlling nature. this is NOT normal behavior for a bf.
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I think that you were wrong fro not telling the whole truth about that date from the beginning. Not doing so, makes you seem as though there was a reason to hide in the first place.Do I think you are to blame for te beakup...not exactley. Its obvious that you both made some misktakes, but you are human. Its also clear though, that he thinks you are his posession and to let this get out of hand can be dangerous. "Drive by your house to make sure you were where you should be"?????The accusations he has made are ludicrous sounding.And to then say after all of this that " he almosts beleives you"?
No one can sit here and tell you to answer, or not answer the phone..or even if you should or shouldnt take him back. Only you can make that decision, but I would think carefully before doing anything. Do you think he really has changed?You said he wanted a break because this was his first " real" relationship...has he been with anyone else to try to discover what else is out there?If not, the same problems will arise again. If he hasnt changed his ways, or if you havent discussed what went wrong before, nothing is resolved and you will just have the exact same fight.