what now

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
what now
2
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 1:54pm
I am in a great relationship. It is great but it is real. There are fights about daily stuff. We are both fairly young, I'm 26, and he’s 24. We moved in together last summer. We are both very successful, I'm an event planner, he's a chef. We have had 2 pretty major fight.... communication lines down.... things build up and blow up. All of this I feel is pretty normal. I will say that I think I put a lot of effort into the relationship as he's ALWAYS working due to his career.

Last night I was helping him email a menu plan to a new restaurant (chef's aren't the greatest w/ computer). He gave me his password and had me log onto his account. I noticed an email from his ex and couldn't resist. I read it. It wasn't what she said, but what he said. I couldn't believe it. I must have read it 15 times, finally putting all the words together and praying that they didn't say what I was reading. This is the email, "Hey, I know it's been a long time. I've been really busy at work opening a

new place with the same company. Can't wait to talk to you, I know it

might

be hard to believe but I still think of you all the time!! I have off this

wed. and was going to try to contact you. I called your house in Canada

late

one night and your dad sounded pissed so I didn't get your number. Hope

your

family is cool, wish I was on the beach with you. I'll call you as soon as

I

can. miss you"

I am devastated. He told me in true honesty that we were having problems at the time. That it wasn't her that he missed that it was the lifestyle in Hawaii (he moved from there 2 years ago). My gut tells me that you don't write those things to someone if you are having problems. I'm hurt, embarrassed, and totally confused. Please help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: radfordcole
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 2:52pm
Most guys, from what I hear and my experience, say exactly what they mean. If he missed Hawaii and the beach, fine, but that is not what he said.

I'd be worried too.

Sorry you have to go through this.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
In reply to: radfordcole
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 4:30pm
It's actually a red flag if he wrote that during a time when he was fighting with you. A "great relationship" is one in which the two people are content and focused on one another, in both good times AND bad times. Do you want a bf who runs back to ex's every time you and he disagree? That's not a solid relationship. It's a weak and shaky one. He can backpedal with excuses all he wants now that he's been discovered, but he even called her parent's house to get her current number and that, to me, doesn't ring true as someone who's "just missing his old lifestyle in Hawaii." Sorry. I don't think his heart and mind are 100% in your relationship.