What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
What should I do?
15
Thu, 04-17-2008 - 12:48pm

Hello,


I am DESPERATE!!! My husband and I have a HUGE argument about the topic masturbation.
It's something we can't talk about, because one time when

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Thu, 04-17-2008 - 1:00pm

I don't have any advice but wanted to say I think that calling a counselor is a great first step. It sounds like your DH is over reacting to the situation unless something else came up in the conversation. Seeking therapy before making any rash moves is a good idea.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
Thu, 04-17-2008 - 1:12pm

Thing is, I am not sure, if HE is willed to seek a counselor with me...I called one for me....but I am not sure, if he wants to work things out or if he made up his mind and wants the divorce!


I am feeling very very lonely right now....I don't want to talk to friends or family about it, because I don't know, if he really makes that step and if I tell people about it, it could make things worse.


But I need to talk to somebody and get advice....it's eating me up and I just feel like jumping out of the window :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 04-17-2008 - 1:15pm

Welcome to the board,


When your husband gets home from work, ask him to please sit down with you and discuss if he really wants to get divorced. If he says no (hopefully) then you need to figure out the problems in your marriage and what can be done to fix them. Tell him you are willing to go to counseling and that after you have went by yourself for a while that you would like him to join in.


Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 04-17-2008 - 1:51pm

Welcome to the board wondering2008,


Even if he won't go to counseling with you, go alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
Thu, 04-17-2008 - 2:14pm

so here is what he says after I asked him to talk about the divorce thing:


"What's there to talk about?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 04-17-2008 - 2:19pm

First, give him some time to cool off and time to think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Thu, 04-17-2008 - 8:08pm
You didnt say, but what is it exactly about masturbation that got you upset?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
Thu, 04-17-2008 - 8:52pm

Here is the thing....one morning I fixed breakfast and my husband was still in bed....the cat walked into the bedroom and I went to get him out, when I walked in, I saw him pulling out his hand very fast and he acted very guilt....I layed down next to him and reached down on him, where his pants were shoven down. So I asked him, if he did anything and he said yeah.....but it wasn't masturbation he said, it was taking care of the morning wood, which would be 2 different things.


He THEN asked me, if I never do it, when we don't have sex for a long time....which to mean says, that he didn't take care of the morning wood, but that he pleasured himself.


NEITHER is a problem with me, BUT I would like for him to be open to me and not lie about it.
I want him to tell me " yes, I did it, because I was horny" and not hide it from me and act like he is doing something wrong. That kinda made me mad and had me talk about it more, to the point, that he thought it was awkward.


When he got home earlier today, he didn't talk to me, he just want to be left alone and I try my best with that, even though, I'd like to talk about that issue.


I want to talk about the divorce, that he wants. I mean how can you tell one person at one day, that you are happy and that you love that person and the next day, you throw at that person that you want a divorce and not talk about it and treat that other person like scum???


I am hurt....I wont make him stay with me, because I love him and I want him happy, if he finds that happiness somewhere else and it is not with me, then so be it.....as long as he is happy.
I for my part, know what I will do, if he really makes the step to call a lawyer, but that would be another topic.


Right now, he just ignores me, wants to be left alone and I don't know what to do. I can't eat nor drink...I am a wreck!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 10:22am

Day 2


He can't talk to me face to face.....he talked to me online, when he got to work. I didn't start the conversation, he did.


He slept on the couch again and acted like I am not there and when I asked something he treated me like scum.


So, when we talked this morning, he was still for divorce. I am sure he hasn't talked to any of his friends yet and he still put on the wedding band, when he left the house this morning.


But here is what he said:


"Ok... listen to me

1, stop the I love you sh!t

Cause I honestly don't care.

I'm not happy and YOU can't do anything about that.

2, I will stop with the divorce thing... but don't expect me to pretend to be happy when I'm not

3, I'm not going to any counseling

4, if you ever ask me that
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 12:43pm

My guess is that he's playing emotional hardball with you to get you to "toe the line" as far as any sort of difficult or emotional discussions with him--he doesn't want to allow them and by gosh, he'll do whatever it takes to get you to stop, including treating you cruelly.


If you are ok with toeing the line, then stay--I'm sure things will get back to "normal" soon.

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