What should I do?
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| Thu, 09-06-2007 - 8:09pm |
My BF works offshore and is away 4 weeks then home for 4 weeks. While he was away last time I was going to set up a bebo account to keep in tuoch with friends. I told him I was thinking about it and he went ballistic. He told me it's a dating website and I've not to go on it cos other guys could chat me up and find out personal things about me. He said it was ok to go on myspace or facebook - I asked what the difference was and he said all his mates were on bebo so he didn't want me on it.
He doesn't like me speaking to other guys and he is sometimes angry with me when I go for a night out with my friends. He questions me about everything when I get back. It's gotten to the point where it's not worth going out anymore.
I was really suspicious so I went on to have a look and I found his profile. Turns out he doesn't mention me once on it, and he talks about wanting to sleep with sexy women. He has also been talking to his ex on it and several other girls I have never heard of.
He cheated on me with his ex when we first got back together and she tried to split us up another few times after that as well so I asked that he not contact her and he promised he wouldn't.
I never mentioned I had seen it but I spoke to him about me having and account and I told him if he ddn't want me having one then he could delete his when he got home for the same reasons. He promised he would.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt and things have been ok since. He came home and took me on holiday for a week for my birthday. I had a look again tonight to see if he had deleted his profile as promised.
He hasn't deleted it but he's been on it again and added stuff. Yet again he has been talking to his ex. He has added our holiday photos but he has picked out the ones of people we met and photos of him only and put them on. There is not a single photo of me!
To add insult to injury one of his female friends has sent a message to him saying "I thought you were on holiday with your girlfriend?"
I am absolutely mortified! I feel tat all his friends will be laughing at me behind my back and even worse his ex will be laughing at me as well. I am ready to text him and tell him I've seen it but not sure what to do. I am angry about the ex cos she caused a lot of trouble between us and she was trying to split us up when we first got back together. He promised me he would not speak to her again.
What should I do?

Well, unless you want to be with someone who's a liar (and most likely still cheating as well), ending it seems to be the only option. He's controlling and suspicious because he knows HE can't be trusted, so he doesn't trust you.
Sheri
Welcome to the board louise7981,
It's going to be really hard to save your relationship if he continues to lie to you about the account (and contact with othe women).
The real problem here is that you even have to ask "what should I do?" This guy is not honest, not trustworthy, he's actually online, looking for women, chatting with his ex, (after he said he wouldn't) and demanding that you have no life at all, trying to possess you. This is an abusive situation. Get away from him as soon as you can. Try to understand why you would even have any doubts about what to do, why you would want to stay with someone who is treating you so badly and making a fool of you? You do not deserve this kind of treatment. You need to see why you do not feel worthy of being treated with respect.
If you can't leave this relationship on your own, go a therapist and get help in getting out of a situation which is toxic and which can only cause more pain and injury to you.
Best wishes,
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It's quite true how people, men especially it seems, accuse women of the very behavior they themselves are hiding.
Your relationship is not salvageable. You were cheated on once, you gave him the stipulation that you could continue the relationship only if he deleted this profile, and you find that he's looking to cheat on you again.
IT'S OVER. Get it through your head now and then make him believe it. This is not a man who will ever be faithful to you, and you're selling yourself short by making yourself believe that you deserve to be with someone who acts like this. Not all men are this way. This guy you're with will be a sneaky, lying cheat until the day he dies or perhaps until something truly devastating befalls him.
If you're looking to save your relationship then stop. You're hurting yourself and you would be fooling yourself to think that you can make him stop or that you can deal with a relationship without cheating.
There's no way you can fix a "broken" person. You can only decide to leave and make a better life for yourself, or continue to be miserable.