what should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
what should I do?
12
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 1:22am
I've been with my bf 6 months now. Sometimes he jokingly calls me names. For example, to put it in nicer terms he will call me the "b" word referring to a "mean girl" or another "b" word referring to a girl who is not so prudish. This has been going on for 3 months. Sometimes he does this around his kids which really bothers me. Not just because it is foul language, but because it makes me look bad. I told him I don't like it and that it makes me uncomfortable, especially around his children....I've already given up on trying to get him to change the way he talks all together. He really does curse a lot. He also "jokingly" calls me things such as "nitwit" or "ditz". I don't like this at all and I have given up on trying. But I do love him and want things to work out between us. I just don't know what to say or do to make him realize that this is not appropriate. Is there anything I can do to make this work or should I get out?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 3:20pm

sarahb_81,


You have already said that you have given up on trying to change this about him. It should be pretty easy to realize that women don't like to be changed names like that, joking or not. Have you told him you don't like it and you want him to stop? If so, and he won't stop than you have to decide if you can be happy in the relationship if this continues.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 3:32pm

Hi sarahb_81 and welcome to the board,


You've told him already that it bothers you and he's not listening. You can try one more time, tell him "Previously I expressed now much being called names upsets me, I'm not sure the depth of my distress has been expressed, so I will express it now-

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 4:38pm
The name calling makes you feel bad. Why would you want to stay with someone who makes you feel bad? He's not really joking...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 6:39pm

Coltara,

I have told him a few times. It just never seems to sink in. I'm going to give it one more try, and hope is discontinues......if not, i'll just have to suck it up and walk away.

Thanks for your advice

Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 6:41pm
Thank you Carrie!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 6:46pm
I stay with him because other than the name calling everything in our relationship is okay. We get along very well and we are compatible. You say he isn't joking, but he has never said it in a serious manner. I really think it is a joke to him. Yet still, it is poking fun at me and I don't like it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 9:08pm

<>

It's called being passive-aggressive. It's a joke, sure, but why aren't you laughing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2007
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 12:09am
First off, realize you're not in this alone. Many women (and some men) are faced with this quite often. From where I see it, the issue is of respect. When he calls you names that are degrading, he's disrespecting you. Bring this to his attention, perhaps his family did this and it means nothing to him. But, the issue is that it bothers YOU and if he's not able to see that your feelings are the important issue, then get out. Honestly it's not a lot to ask that he treat you with respect and if he continues not to, then respect yourself and do what's right for you. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 3:46am
because it is hurtful. and he knows it. but its still a joke to him. even after me saying "if this doesnt discontinue im going to have to end the relationship" my responses from him were clearly "I dont care. I'm not going to change for anybody"
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 12:04pm

::responses from him were clearly "I dont care. I'm not going to change for anybody"


Then you thank your lucky stars that the relationship has only been going on for 6 months and move on.....


Sorry you have to go through this.

** Carrie **


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